happiness Archives - Page 3 of 4 - Chantal Breytenbach Coaching

Living in the Now

Three years ago, I read the book Slowing Down to the Speed of Life for the first time, and it changed my life. Before stumbling upon this beautiful book, I had been searching for ways to slow down my mental chatter, and to become more present.

My search for presence started back in 2008 when I discovered Eckhart Tolle. I devoured all his books and audio recordings, desperately seeking to tame my ego mind, and find ways to really live more fully in the present moment. And there were times when I was able to do that, but it always felt like it was only attainable in short bursts. I had to work at it, and only a few specific things helped me stay present… […]

Reflections on love and belonging

Posted on July 24, 2022By ChantalPosted in Compassion / Connection / Happiness / Inspiration / Life / Love / Meaning / Values

During my second year in Canada, just before I decided to become a coach, I had a conversation with a coach about life purpose. In the coaching model she was trained in, they were taught to narrow down your life purpose to ONE word that summarises what you are all about or what you are trying to create in your lifetime. A one-word life purpose sounded absurd to me. Could you really narrow it down to just one word? And of course, I was surprised when she shared what she thought my life purpose was. She observed that it sounded like mine was connection. I’ve discovered two things since then… […]

Redefining Compassion

Posted on July 5, 2022By ChantalPosted in Authenticity / Compassion / Courage / Emotional Agility / In the muck / Leadership / Life / Love / Meaning / Mindfulness / Values

During a specific phase of my PhD research, I conducted interviews with participants. One of the questions I would ask interviewees was, “What does compassion mean to you?” I would then follow up that question with a second question, “How do you demonstrate compassion in your own life?”

The aim was to get a sense of what compassion really means to people and how they live compassion in their daily lives. The Oxford Dictionary defines compassion as, “sympathetic pity and concern for the sufferings or misfortunes of others.”

For me personally, that definition feels too narrow. It invites us to feel pity or concern for someone. It evokes within us this sense of feeling sorry for someone about what they are going through. And yet, pity falls short of what is needed. It simply levels compassion akin to sympathy, when my sense is that what is really needed is far more than just feeling sorry for someone. […]

The secret to becoming an adult is to embrace your inner child

Posted on May 31, 2022By ChantalPosted in Decision-Making / Happiness / In the muck / Life / Meaning / Mindset / Perspective / Thinking / Transformation

Recently, I wrote about how most of us are beating up on ourselves for not knowing how to be adults. I shared that life doesn’t come with an instruction manual, so none of us really know what it means to be an adult. We are all trying to figure it out. In Elizabeth Benton’s incredible book, Chasing Cupcakes, she talks about how to take responsibility and create the life that you want, and she essentially shares two rules for adulting. […]

Love is an action

Posted on February 14, 2022By ChantalPosted in Happiness / In the muck / Life / Love / Meaning / Mindfulness / Mindset / Perfection Detox / Perspective / Purpose / Self-care1 Comment

I find it so strange that we live in a world where we have commercialised everything to the point that even the most important things in our lives can lose their meaning and significance. I have always found the idea of Valentine’s Day a little absurd since love cannot be bought or sold. Love is not a commodity. And creating a day where we remind people of their own loneliness, disconnection, and insecurities seems like the opposite of loving to me. It seems almost cruel.

I’m not saying don’t appreciate your significant other, but I am questioning why you need a reminder to do that, or why they only get to be seen and celebrated on ONE day of the year.

Love isn’t a feeling either. The feeling you feel when you say that you are in love, is infatuation, desire, or lust. But love, real love is an ACT. Love is a way of being in the world. It’s the opposite of judgement. When I choose to show up in loving, I’m choosing to suspend judgement and to truly see the essence of the person in front of me. […]

Life Lessons from a Video Game

Posted on January 24, 2022By ChantalPosted in Emotional Agility / Failure / Grit / In the muck / Life / Meaning / Mindset

My husband is a video game fanatic. I have never really taken much of an interest in it, although I can appreciate the value of gamified learning. Years ago, when I completed my honour’s degree in Strategic Management, one of our courses was an online game, and it was quite a memorable experience. Sometimes simulated learning is the best way to build experience in a specific area. It provides the opportunity to learn through “failing” at challenging tasks without any drastic real-life consequences.

That said, what I want to share with you here is not so much about the importance of gamification. Rather, it relates to some interesting insights I got from listening to my husband share a story about the latest game he is currently playing called Dead Cells. […]

When you are serious about real transformation, the time of year is of no consequence

Posted on January 3, 2022By ChantalPosted in Decision-Making / Failure / Happiness / In the muck / Life / Meaning / Perspective / Planning / Purpose / Self-care / Slow down / Transformation1 Comment

I always find this time of year intriguing. For some reason, people attach tremendous value to counting down towards the new year. For some it even evokes tremendous pressure to create “the perfect New Years celebration”. We convince ourselves that we get to leave the past behind and start with a clean slate. We get to start over. Be better. Dream. Set goals. Go for it this time. And really make the changes we say we want.

However, you are still the same person you were one minute after midnight than one minute before midnight; unless some fundamental life-changing event transpired in the span of two minutes…

The way I see it, waiting for the new year before setting those goals or making those changes you’ve been procrastinating on for weeks, months, sometimes even years, is just another way of continuing to make excuses and procrastinating or stalling longer on the things you know you need to change in your life. It’s another way of saying, I don’t really want to make this change. I’m not serious about it.

If you truly WANT the change, the time of day, week, month, or year would be of no consequence. Your time here on earth is finite. And even more than that, you don’t know when your time will run out. What if you don’t make it to the new year? […]

Using disappointment as a catalyst for inspiration

Posted on December 12, 2021By ChantalPosted in Decision-Making / Emotional Agility / Failure / Grit / Happiness / In the muck / Life / Meaning / Mindset / Perspective / Resilience / Thinking / Transformation / Values1 Comment

In life, disappointments are inevitable, because of the simple fact that we don’t control everything that happens in life. How you choose to deal with disappointments in your life, can become a defining moment for you.

In his thought-provoking article on Dealing with Disappointment, Manfred Kets de Vries postulates that expectations lie at the root of all heartache and disappointment. Think about it, would you be disappointment about something if you didn’t have any expectations about how it was supposed to be? Your disappointment stems from the fact that what you had imagined or hoped would happen, did not align with what transpired in reality. It’s like Brad Warner says, disappointment is what you feel “when your brain is trying to readjust itself to reality after discovering that things are not the way you thought they were”.

Some disappointments are insignificant in the larger view of your life. They are easily filtered out by asking yourself the question, “will this matter a year from now?” If the answer is no, simply let it go.

However, some disappointments can change the course of your life. They can become character defining moments. You see, it doesn’t matter that you feel disappointment. It only matters how you choose to deal with your disappointment as you take the next step forward. […]

Living one day at a time

Posted on September 29, 2021By ChantalPosted in Gratitude / Happiness / Life / Meaning / Mindfulness / Mindset / Perspective / Slow down

If you had to know how your entire life would unfold in advance, it would simply take the joy out of living. It would turn you into a passenger in your own life story, since you would simply be waiting for the events you know will happen, to unfold as predetermined.

So, the fact that the years of your life don’t all arrive at once, but greets you day by day, is such a gift. It provides the opportunity for agency and mystery. With the descent of each setting sun, we can rest our heads and let the world take care of itself for a while. We go to sleep at night, knowing, or perhaps hoping (because who really knows if we will get to greet another day) that the dawn will bring with it a chance to meet our lives anew. […]

Embracing the change in seasons

Posted on September 13, 2021By ChantalPosted in Emotional Agility / Happiness / Life / Meaning / Mindset / Perspective / Story Matters / Thinking

Just as seasons change, our moods and emotions fluctuate. A state of perfect happiness is not sustainable or realistic. Life ebbs and flows, and I want to be open to all my emotions. You see, emotions are merely data points. They tell us what is going on. So, even when we find ourselves in a state of sadness or melancholy, that is not bad. It simply is. The invitation is to lean into whatever you’re feeling and ask yourself what’s going on that is causing that emotion?

Given everything that is going on in the world – especially of late – it is fairly easy to become negative, despondent, sad, even angry. And yet, when we treat our feelings as facts, we allow outside factors to dictate how we feel on the inside.

The real challenge is to remain in a state of equilibrium regardless of what is happening in the outside world; to choose our response to life, even though there might be reasons to feel unhappy, frustrated, angry, and so on. […]