Failure Archives - Page 4 of 5 - Chantal Breytenbach Coaching

What’s in a story?

About two years ago I read the book Become a Key Person of Influence by Daniel Priestley and a line in the book has stuck with me ever since: “You are already standing on a mountain of value. Your story is valuable. Your experience is unique. You are highly valuable as you are.”

I consider myself a go-getter. I’m decisive and I take action. I’ve always believed that I get to create my life and that where I started did not define me. I don’t think I ever slowed down to consider how my experiences – i.e., my story – had shaped the person I am today. I think I had an intellectual understanding of that, but I wouldn’t really say that I could access that knowing on a deep intuitive level. […]

You don’t rise to the level of your goals, you fall to the level of your systems…

Posted on January 15, 2021By ChantalPosted in Decision-Making / Failure / Grit / Happiness / In the muck / Life / Mindset / Perspective / Resilience / Thinking / Transformation

As I mentioned in my blog post about Creating Your Year with Intention and Focus, the start of a new year is usually a time to set goals and to commit anew to the person you want to become. However, so often people don’t follow through on those initial new year’s resolutions. As soon as the novelty of the new year wears off, most of us fall back into our old behaviour patterns and forget how we promised ourselves that this year will be different.

Let’s be clear, we are creatures of habits, and our habits often become so ingrained that we don’t even see our habits as habits. We simply think of them as how we are, or who we are. Some habits have been part of our life for so long that they are part of our identity. It’s how we see ourselves. For example, being a non-smoker, or a smoker, being vegetarian, being a runner, or someone who likes routine, being an anxious person, or someone who questions everything, etc. […]

The true meaning of Resilience

Posted on December 9, 2020By ChantalPosted in Courage / Failure / Grit / Happiness / In the muck / Life / Meaning / Mindfulness / Mindset / Perspective / Resilience / Slow down / Transformation / Values

A few months ago, I wrote about how to cultivate resilience. Although most of what I shared in that article is true, I do feel like I need to expand on the idea of resilience a bit. I recently completed my training as a Certified Resilience Coach through the Leadership Wellness Group in Canada. Most of what I learned in the program, was not new to me. I’ve worked with these concepts and ideas for many years – especially during my time as a university lecturer, specialising in Organisational Behaviour and Organisational Wellness. Now, working as a coach, this knowledge has served me well in supporting my clients in cultivating their own resilience.

I think the main way in which my thinking about resilience has changed, is in how I talk to my clients about it. People often mistakenly think that resilience is a character or personality trait or that overcoming difficult situations or circumstances, makes you resilient. However, I have realised two important things about resilience. Firstly, resilience is not a personality trait that some people possess, and others don’t. Resilience – just like emotional agility or mental agility – can be learned. And secondly, it’s not overcoming difficult situations or circumstances that makes you resilient. In fact, it’s the other way around, it’s if and when you are resilient that you are able to overcome challenges or difficult situations. Let me explain. […]

Our backpack of boulders: The agreements we make with ourselves

Posted on November 11, 2020By ChantalPosted in Decision-Making / Failure / Happiness / In the muck / Life / Mindset / Perspective / Thinking / Values

In conversation with my coach the other day, she likened our spiritual journey here on earth to that of hiking with a backpack full of boulders on your back.

Starting in childhood, and continuing through adolescence and adulthood, we accumulate beliefs, assumptions, fears, and anxieties triggered by both positive experiences, and hardships and challenges we face. These beliefs, assumptions, fears, and anxieties – like “I’m not good enough”, “I’m not smart enough”, “Losing wait is hard”, “People who have money are greedy”, “Trust no-one. People will always hurt you”, “Only some people get to be creative”, “I will never be successful”, “I’m attractive. My appearance is the only thing that makes me likeable”, etc. – are like rocks that we pick up and carry around in a backpack, with some rocks being bigger and heavier than others. Each of us has a bag of rocks that we have accumulated over the course of our lives and now carry around on our backs. Some rocks are small and can easily be discarded. Others are much bigger and more difficult to discard. […]

How to turn a limestone quarry into a lush garden

Posted on August 20, 2020By ChantalPosted in Courage / Failure / Grit / Happiness / In the muck / Life / Meaning / Mindset / Passion / Perspective / Resilience / Transformation

Last Summer, I took a trip with my family to Vancouver Island, British Columbia and we paid a visit to The Butchart Gardens. As stated on their website: “The Butchart Gardens is a must-see oasis over 100 years in the making”. And what a privilege it was to take in the beauty of this place that stands as a testament to what is possible when one has a grand vision. The story of The Butchart Gardens has some hidden life lessons and it is also one of the most interesting family business success stories rarely told… […]

Getting to Know your Inner Critic

Posted on August 7, 2020By ChantalPosted in Decision-Making / Failure / Life / Mindfulness / Mindset / Perspective / Resilience / Thinking

Imagine for a moment that you are a landlord, and you have a tenant who has been living on the upstairs floor of your house for as long as you can remember. The tenant is loud and opinionated, and has, on many occasions, kept you up at night. You’ve considered evicting them, but you always avoid confrontation instead. Besides, maybe the tenant is right. Maybe your demands are too much, or you are being unreasonable and inflexible. The tenant doesn’t contribute anything to the environment you share, and criticizes you anytime you try to make an improvement in your living conditions. They don’t even pay rent! In fact, it costs YOU to have them stay in your home. And yet you let them stay.

Now you might be thinking, “no way! I would never put up with that!” And yet you do! Sometimes for decades… […]

The secret behind greatness

Posted on June 24, 2020By ChantalPosted in Courage / Failure / Grit / In the muck / Meaning / Mindset / Resilience

Anyone who has ever watched a great athlete, artist or musician perform, would know why we become awestruck with our heroes. They make complicated movements and actions seem effortless. When they are moving or doing the thing they love, they are in flow and it is beautiful to watch. This is one of the reasons that talent reality shows like America’s Got Talent, or The X Factor or Idols are so popular. However, there is a downside to these television shows. The problem is that they overemphasise talent at the expense of other factors that lead to success and they perpetuate the myth that excellence or greatness is mystical. However, as discussed in a previous blog post on grit, success depends on more than just talent or capability. […]

Without grit, talent remains unmet potential

Posted on June 24, 2020By ChantalPosted in Courage / Failure / Grit / In the muck / Meaning / Mindset / Resilience

You attend your high school reunion and catch up with your friends from high school that you haven’t seen in years. While comparing career accomplishments, you are shocked to learn that the kid from school with the genius IQ, the one all the teachers thought would be spectacularly successful, has struggled with his career. How can this be you wonder? This was the person everyone thought would invent something that would change the world.

It turns out that intelligence might not be the best indicator of future success. According to psychologist Angela Duckworth, the secret to outstanding achievement isn’t talent. Instead, it’s a special blend of persistence or perseverance and passion that she calls “grit.” […]

How to use your PAWs to overcome obstacles

Posted on June 21, 2020By ChantalPosted in Courage / Failure / In the muck / Mindset / Resilience

I recently read The Obstacle is the Way. I felt the message of the book was timely, not just because of what we as a global society are currently facing, but also in terms of the obstacles I’m facing in my own life and career. The central message that Ryan Holiday espouses in this book is summarised by Marcus Aurelius nearly 2000 years ago: “The impediment to action advances action. What stands in the way becomes the way.”

This thing in front of you. This obstacle blocking you from moving forward. This issue that feels insurmountable. This unexpected problem that is preventing you from doing what you want to do. The thing you dread or secretly hope won’t happen. What if it isn’t so bad? What if it is the greatest gift from the universe and it’s exactly what you need to advance your most important goal or become the person you want to become? […]

Being like the Bamboo: Cultivating Resilience

Posted on June 20, 2020By ChantalPosted in Courage / Failure / In the muck / Meaning / Mindset / Resilience

Bamboo can grow with many other plants of its kind or on its own. It can find a home in different regions of the world. In addition, it forms dense forests. Bamboo is incredibly resistant and flexible. It can endure large earthquakes. In fact, it doesn’t matter if its stems are cut because bamboo regenerates, heals, and grows again, even stronger and more unstoppable than before. It spends seven years growing under the soil and extending its roots before it starts growing above the ground. So, initially, it looks like nothing is happening and then suddenly, this resourceful plant starts sprouting above ground and it just keeps going.

Being like bamboo means having a resilient attitude in life. It means you accept that sometimes adversity might make you bend over, but still choosing to regenerate, heal and grow, sprouting deep and strong roots from every setback. It means cultivating the ability to bounce back to your former self; happier and more beautiful than before, after every setback. Being like bamboo, means cultivating resilience in your life. […]