Can a flat tire give you a headache?

I’m currently listening to Life Loves You by Louise Hay and Robert Holden and in Chapter 3 of the book Robert Holden shares about a talk he once attended on the mind where the presenter posed the question: “Can a flat tire really give you a headache?” The reasoning was that you might complain about getting a flat tire, and you might even feel like you have a serious headache after having to deal with replacing a flat tire, but is it really the flat tire that is giving you the headache? The only way the flat tire can be responsible for your headache, is if the tire came off, bounced, ricocheted, and hit you in the head. What is really giving you the headache when you need to replace a flat tire, is your thinking about the flat tire.

The issue is not the issue. How I relate to the issue is the real issue. If I see the flat tire as a frustration, annoyance, bother, or something that is getting in the way of me doing what I need or want to be doing that day, then I relate to the issue (i.e., the flat tire) as a problem and/or obstacle. So, my experience would be that of not wanting the problem, or trying to get rid of the problem, or trying to avoid the problem, or complaining about the problem, or seeing the rest of my day as ruined because of this happening.

However, if I see the flat tire as a normal part of the day, just something that needs to get handled just like anything else I have on my to-do-list, or if I relate to the flat tire as an opportunity to practice patience and gratitude, my experience of the flat tire will be different.

I recall recently I was complaining to my coach about not having four hours of uninterrupted time to reflect on Quarter 1 in my business and plan for Quarter 2. She had suggested that I block out time to plan my Q2. And some part of me was resistant. My coach just matter-of-factly asked me if I would be able to clear my schedule if I had to take one of my children to the hospital and it took five hours out of my day. I said, of course. However, that would be an emergency, so everything else could wait. Surely, she didn’t mean to imply that planning my Q2 is an emergency? Or did she?

I was really bothered by this. As someone who has treated everything in my life as urgent until very recently, I was having a hard time reintegrating this idea and I guess really discerning what is urgent and what is not. And I guess that’s the point, really. My attitude towards planning my Q2 was that it wasn’t urgent, and that it could wait, and yet, I was essentially saying that slowing down to take stock of my life, and get clear on what I really want to focus on for the next three months of my life wasn’t urgent. I was willing to plow ahead aimlessly for the next few weeks with no clarity, and no sense of purpose. Isn’t slowing down to really think about what I want one of the most important things I could be doing for my life and my business?

Then something really interesting happened. Last Saturday, I woke up with a migraine. I haven’t had a migraine in a few years. (I used to get them all the time). And I recalled a newsletter that Amber Krzys shared about her own struggle with migraines. She shared how much she hated getting migraines, how much she resented them, because she felt like they took her out of the game, and she couldn’t do the things she had planned to do. And then she shared how she chose to relate to her migraines differently, and to slow down to consider what her migraines were trying to tell her. She chose to meet her migraines with acceptance, instead of resisting them and wishing things were different. And just that choice changed everything.

Something that Amber Krzys has shared a lot is that the mind lies. The mind makes up stories, because the mind interprets. However, the body doesn’t lie. Our bodies don’t interpret. Our body simply receives and then tries to communicate what it has received. And so, when our bodies are not doing what we want them to be doing, they are not against us – even thought I get, that in a very real way, it might feel as if our bodies are working against us. Our bodies are actually simply working with what it has received from us. And sometimes it will try to get our attention by getting sick or injured so we would be forced to slow down and listen.

And then it hit me, a migraine, is like the body’s emergency alarm. It’s saying slow down. You are moving too fast. You see, I’ve been doing things very differently these past few months. After burning out in May last year, I made the choice to consciously slow down more, not just in conversations with clients, or in work, but in my thinking, in my doing, in my relationships, with my body and my health, with my healing and my trauma. All of it.

2023 was both beautiful, exquisite, deeply transformative, and at times an extreme rollercoaster ride. It was the hardest year in my business financially, and it was also a year of deep growth and learning, a year of travel and adventure, a year of deep experiences, a year of reconnecting with my husband and nurturing the intimacy in our marriage, a year of healing past trauma, and truly asking for, and getting support in that healing process.

I could relate to 2023 as a hard year, because in many ways it was hard. I struggled financially. We had to move away from our home that we had lived in for six years – it was our first home in Canada – so it was hard. I travelled a lot, so I was away from my family for periods of time during seven months of the year. And yet, 2023 was also the biggest gift – a gift of healing, of transformation, and inspiration. I healed trauma that I thought I could not heal. I had insights I never would have had, had I not walked the path I walked last year. I started to really SEE my money story and how it plays out. And I received the inspiration to create my Living As If You Matter 6-month private coaching group. This group was never part of my original plan. It was truly Life’s guidance that brought the inspiration for this group to be created and launched.

So, I choose to relate to 2023 as the birth year of slowed down, creative inspiration, the year of truly living as if I matter, the year of letting go and healing, the year of trusting more, and learning that my self-worth is not dependent on how much I earn.

I completed 2023 with a deep understanding of what truly matters to me. I was very clear that I wanted 2024 to look and feel different. I wanted to slow down and savour my life and my experiences more. I wanted to spend more time with the people I love. I wanted to go home and see my loved ones.  I wanted to serve deeply through the work I’m inspired to do.

And Q1 of this year has been all of that and more. I hit my annual financial goal for 2024 in the first quarter of 2024, and then my Ego came online again and started suggesting that I do more. Suddenly, I lost track of what my focus and intention for 2024 was. I forgot the promises I had made to myself, because my Ego was trying to convince me that more is better, or that perhaps I hadn’t done enough and should be doing more…

And this is the game we play with ourselves… We wake up to ourselves. Then we fall asleep to ourselves. And if we are willing and open, we can wake up to ourselves again. If we take the clues from our bodies. If we pay attention to our thoughts and feelings, we can gain insight into what’s happening for us, and/or what’s really true for us.

And this is why I think I had a migraine for three days. My body was screaming to get my attention and to remind me of my commitment to myself. My body was asking me to slow down, to savour, to take stock, to choose the experiences I want, wisely. My body was saying, slowing down, and taking time IS an emergency, because it’s my LIFE. So, this time, I want to heed the warning. I don’t want to bypass my own inner wisdom and grit my way through life without listening to that wisdom, because then I will simply repeat the same experiences again and again, and Life will keep bringing me those experiences until I’m willing to learn the lesson from them.

So as much as 2023 was challenging, it was the biggest gift, because I chose to slow down and consider what Life wanted me to learn. My coach was instrumental in that, because she kept asking me to consider what Life wants me to learn that I will not learn any other way. And the more I stayed in the consideration of that question, the more was revealed to me.

So, if your current situation is one of struggle, of frustration, of pain, I hear you. I see you. You are loved, AND what if the pain you are in right now, is the breeding ground for something spectacular to occur? What if this pain is here to teach you something that you will not learn any other way? What if this could be the beginning of something truly magical and what if this is how you are meant to prepare for it?

I’m not suggesting that you ignore your pain, or try to force yourself to “think more positively” – that is toxic and not helpful. I am, however, suggesting that you consider that perhaps Life loves you, and wants more for you, and that perhaps these experiences are here to teach you something. Some of the most incredible miracles I have experienced in my life came from tremendous pain and heartache. I would not be able to appreciate the beauty and wonder in my life right now, had it not been for the sorrow and darkness I have walked through.

Every single painful step I took last year was a step towards a magical and inspired three months of this year that I could not even have imagined a year ago. The Living As If You Matter group would not have been created if I had not worked through the darkness I walked through in 2023. I had to learn for myself how to live as if I matter, before I could support others in doing so. And Life had to strip away some things from me for me to really see it. And Life had to force me to slow down so I could really see myself and get reconnected with who I am outside of my judgments of myself.

So, dear reader, what’s a struggle you are currently working through? What’s causing you pain? What’s having you question your life and the things you are doing? What’s bringing up so much resistance for you right now? Are you willing to consider – if only for a moment – how it could be a gift?

If you are not seeing the gift in it, that’s ok too. More shall be revealed. Are you willing to slow down? Are you willing to look deeper? Are you willing to consider that this experience is meant to teach you something? Or that your body is requesting something from you? Are you willing to consider that pain is part of Life, and that pain is not the same as suffering? Pain is what is sometimes needed to grow. Suffering occurs when we resist growing outside of our comfort zone…