What is the opposite of scarcity?

In a conversation with a client who is in the exploration of her own thriving, she mentioned how, in her incessant drive for more, she often mistakes momentum for meaning. And this is a symptom of living in a manic world driven by a scarcity mindset… Robert Holden calls this our destination addiction.

 

When we believe that there is not enough, that we are not enough, or that we will not have enough, we also inevitably believe that more is better, and we start to think that the whole point of life is to keep chasing more until we arrive at the ever-elusive destination where we finally “have it all”.

 

Lynne Twist reasons this is how we keep the scarcity mindset alive. We have been conditioned to focus on what we lack, not on what we already have. When we pay attention to what we lack, we inevitably believe that more is always better, and we act as if there is simply no other way to be in the world. This is just how it is. What we don’t see, is how we then trap ourselves on a hamster wheel that we can never escape…

 

What my client is noticing is how her frantic desire to keep moving forward, and not just move forward, but move faster and faster – i.e., to stay on the hamster wheel – is preventing her from slowing down to consider what enough is. And I’m wondering if you have ever asked yourself that question: What’s enough?

 

I know my coach has asked me that question many times over the years, and so often, when she has asked me that question, my answers was, “I don’t know.” In the past, I didn’t take the time to slow down and consider what enough is, because I was so afraid to slow down. Slowing down meant stagnation, meant I would become a useless blob, and would never accomplish anything ever again.

 

It was only in my willingness to experiment with slowing down to the speed of life and love, that I discovered that I can actually be far more effective when I slow down. My impact is more tangible. My presence is more powerful, and what I create is often more surprising than what my panicked Ego can create…

 

Slowing down has provided me with access to my Inner Wisdom and Intuition. Slowing down has helped me see things I cannot notice when I’m moving so fast through my day and through my life. Slowing down has helped me savour and appreciate, has helped me see the wonder, the magic, the sweetness that is already present in my life. Slowing down has helped me hear what is being said underneath the words, has helped me feel what is present in the hearts of my clients, has helped me notice my needs that have gone unmet for years… Slowing down has helped me discover that hamster wheel pace is actually unsustainable for me. No wonder I was always exhausted.

 

I will admit, in the beginning, I was terrified of slowing down. It felt abnormal in a world that requires us to keep moving faster and faster, and yet, deep down, I knew that there must be another way. My client put it so beautifully: “Being in constant motion can make it difficult to notice what’s enough. And yet, I know how often I mistake momentum for meaning. I know that if I slowed down, I might be able to recognize what’s enough…”

 

Four years ago, I read Steve Chandler’s book, Right Now, where he challenges the whole notion of striving for abundance. He invites us to consider what the word abundance actually means? The true meaning of abundance is “excess” or “an over-sufficient supply of something”. Steve says seeking abundance; wanting it all, is vulgar.

 

Until I slowed down to consider this, I had never thought about it that way. Steve reasons that seeking abundance means that you are seeking “… an overwhelming and unnecessary plentiful amount of something. You actually have enough to gag on… Imagine all the people praying for that? I want to gag, Lord. Let me gag on material things…”

 

Steve Chandler argues that wanting enough to gag on is tortured thinking, and it’s a direct result of holding on to scarcity thoughts and beliefs. So, if that’s true, then what is the opposite of scarcity?

 

A year after I read Steve’s book and was confronted with this question, I discovered an answer that blew my mind, and I have been in the consideration of this discovery ever since. The opposite of scarcity is trust.

 

See, when I don’t trust, it means I believe that I won’t be safe, I won’t have enough, I won’t be ok. It drives the need to stay on top of things, to stay in control, to drive results, and accomplish and accumulate more. What accomplishing and accumulating does, is it creates a false sense of security or safety.

 

Growing up in an abusive home, being abandoned multiple times during my childhood, and living in a country riddled with violence, crime, and corruption, I have spent years of my life feeling unsafe. I knew that fear drove my desire to stay in control. For years, I held on to the false belief that if I could control the outcome, and control my environment, then I would be safe. Of course, the very notion of this is ridiculous, because I do not control anything other than myself. Any time I had congratulated myself for staying on top of things, or for how things turned out, I had taken credit for something that wasn’t actually in my control.

 

No wonder, I spent so many years confused about why I couldn’t reliably get the same outcome. Sometimes things would work out the way I wanted them to work out, and more often, things would not work out the way I wanted. In fact, unexpected and unplanned things kept popping up, and I would end up feeling frustrated and angry, or confused. When you live in constant fear of things not going according to the plan, you spend a lot of your time fighting against Life, and you end up having to shrink your life to stay safe.

 

This goes against the nature of being human, because what is built into our DNA is the desire to grow, evolve, explore, and experience novelty. We get bored when things are too predictable. We lose our sense of wonder and adventure. So, there is a gift in the uncertainty of life. It keeps things interesting and challenging, which is actually what we need to keep growing.

 

However, when we lack a sense of safety, then Life lifing can feel really unsafe. It can feel like a personal attack. And it can feel threatening to our sense of wellbeing. Cultivating a sense of trust, is essential for our ability to thrive. Without trust – trust in ourselves, trust in Life, and even trust in others – we can never truly thrive.

 

This is why we start with a conversation about trust in THRIVE, because it lays the foundation for our wellbeing, our growth, our ability to truly thrive.

 

I’m sharing this with my fellow control freaks out there, safety does not reside outside of you. It is not in your high profile job, your salary, your investments, your picture-perfect family, your social connections, your marriage or relationships, your fitness or beauty protocol, your reputation, or anything else you want to connect it to. That is an illusion.

 

Safety is cultivated from within, and it starts with rebuilding trust and confidence with yourself. It starts with understanding and embracing that uncertainty is part of Life, and that is not bad news. It’s good news. When we begin to understand that we can never have certainty, but we can come from clarity, and purpose, we can begin to trust ourselves that we can meet Life as it is, without needing to control any of it.

 

There is more than can be said about safety. In THRIVE we talk about different kinds of safety, and why that matters. If you have spent years of your life trying to stay on top of things, moving at hamster wheel pace, confusing momentum for meaning, or control for safety, I’m here to let you know that there is another way that won’t leave you feeling exhausted, depleted, and on constant high alert. There is another way, and it starts with the willingness to question what thriving might look like, and the courage to slow down to ask yourself: What’s enough?