What “finishing strong” really means

With Thanksgiving in the US just celebrated last week, and Christmas and New Year around the corner, we are now officially in the final stretch of the year. As I write this, Christmas is exactly 25 days away. And the New Year is 35 days away. This time of year creates many different reactions inside of people, depending on their experiences and perspectives.

Some of us love this time of year. We love the Christmas lights and the excitement about presents and celebrations. And some of us hate this time of year. We loathe the family gatherings, and the commercial fanfare of it all. Some of us see this time of year as an opportunity to celebrate and to plan new beginnings, and some of us feel deeply depressed this time of year. My sense is that the ongoing wars in Ukraine and Gaza adds to the sense of despair this year.

For me, it’s a mixed bag. Christmas was not a joyful time in my home growing up. I have no specific attachment to the holiday per se. As adults, for my partner and me, Christmas always represented a time to be with family. And when we lived in South Africa, we spent our time with loved ones. We are not big gift givers, but we do enjoy spending the day with the people we love most.

Since moving to Canada, Christmas has become a time of grief and loneliness. Spending the day with the extended family is no longer possible. This time of year evokes so many memories of Christmases spent back home with loved ones and it can evoke such grief and longing. And at the same time, I have come to love the magic and beauty of this time of year. I love the snow and the Christmas lights. I love that we have created our own little traditions as a family unit. We put up a simple tree, and the kids get to decorate it any way they want to. And we spend Christmas day together, just us, in our pajamas eating good food and watching movies.

The more I think back on my own Christmases and other holidays as a child, the more I want my children to have joyful memories of these holidays. I don’t want them to feel as disconnected from it all as I did. I want them to feel deeply connected and safe during this time of year, and my wish is that their experiences as children will live on in their hearts when they are adults, so that they will hold this time as sacred and precious family time. So, we are very intentional about the experience we create together as a family.

Something else that tends to be a popular topic of conversation – or perhaps I experience it that way because I’m a coach – is how will you “finish the year strong?” I’m a big fan of finishing strong. I’m not someone who stops before reaching the finish line. And, just like with the concept of Christmas, the concept of “finishing strong” might hold different meanings for different people…

For some people, finishing strong means gritting their way through to the end of the year. It means pushing until the very end and not being a quitter. When you Google “what does it mean to finish strong?”, you will find a myriad of articles talking about how you can “finish strong when your momentum is low.” And these articles explain that you need to write down your goal and recommit yourself to your goals.

Here is the top search result I received when I Googled it: “No one can be successful if you don’t finish what you start. Finishing strong is a sign of commitment, integrity, and excellence. Finishing strong is about choice. Each of us has the power to choose how we perform a job or a task and to finish strong.”

My father taught me to never quit. And in some instances, learning to not quit on yourself is such a great quality to cultivate. There is value in staying committed to a dream or a goal. There is value in building resilience and there is so much value in grit. I’ve written about grit before. I have a deep relationship with grit.

AND, sometimes grit is what kills our joy. When we grit through things that we believe we “should” do. When we grit through not to look bad. When we grit through, because we believe giving ourselves grace would mean we are weak or we are failures, that’s toxic. That’s the kind of grit that leads to burnout. That’s the kind of grit that has you finishing in a hospital bed.

And why do we perceive the end of the year as some sort of finish line to begin with? Does life drastically change between midnight on December 31^st and one minute after midnight on January 1^st? My experience has me believe that it’s just another day, like all the others. There are no profound shifts in the way we know or experience life between these two days, and yet, we continue to see December 31^st at some sort of deadline. It’s when we get to put down some of the stuff we have been holding onto that we no longer want. And it’s the start of new beginnings. But do we? Do we put down the stuff that doesn’t serve us and that we have been tolerating? Do we really start anew? Or do we just tell ourselves that we will put it down someday, and then continue to tolerate what we tolerated?

I agree that finishing strong is about choice, about commitment, and about integrity. And I want to slow down on this. What does it mean to be at choice? What does it mean to make the choice to finish strong? From where I’m standing, choice is not a should. Choice is resonant with who I want to be and what I want to do in the world. Choice means it’s personal. It’s a commitment to myself and the things that are important to me, regardless of what others might think about my choices.

Choice is something I have always – anytime of the year. Not just at the beginning of a new year. Choice is something I can make in this moment about how I want to be with myself or relate to the situation that I’m navigating.

This year for example, I made a choice to slow down, to take stock, to recalibrate, to commit myself to the deep work of healing my trauma, and listening to my body more. So, this year, finishing strong looks very different. It’s slowing down. It’s allowing grace. It’s listening to my body.

The other day, a friend of mine shared a post on social media that read: “Maybe finishing the year strong isn’t the goal for you. Maybe the goal is to soften, slow down, take stock, nourish your body, nurture your heart, and be intentional with your time.” The assumption in this post is that finishing strong does not include softening, slowing down, taking stock, nourishing your body, nurturing your heart, and being intentional with your time. And to me that is indicative of the times we live in. We perceive these things as “weak” somehow, as if they are not important or significant and the truth is that these things are the very foundation of finishing strong.

The other day I had a conversation with a client who has been engaged in some truly deep healing and personal growth work. He shared that he feels as if he had laid the foundation for what’s to come. He was very eager to move on to the next thing, and I intentionally slowed him down to savour, to notice, to really acknowledge what it had taken to lay a strong foundation. See, we are so eager to move on to the next thing – or worse, to “get through” these next few weeks until the end of the year – that we take for granted how important it is to come from a strong foundation.

My client was minimizing the work he had done. And we played with the metaphor of building houses so I could share this idea with him. From what I know about building houses – and it’s not a lot by the way – I understand that laying a strong foundation is probably one of the most important things to do in building any house. Without a foundation the house will not have structural integrity, and might collapse. So, architects and builders take their time in designing and laying the foundation and ensuring that is done properly, because it’s what will hold the entire structure in place.

That is how it is when we slow down, take stock, nourish our bodies, and nurture our hearts. That is what it’s like when we do the deep healing work necessary for us to show up stronger and more loving in our own lives. That’s what planning, and setting clear intentions do for us. That is why James Clear says, “we don’t rise to the level of our goals, we fall to the level of our systems and processes.” James Clear understands the fundamental truth that when we have strong system or structure that supports us, we are more likely to succeed.

That is why people who work with coaches achieve more and reach their goals faster and with more grace, because they intentionally create a support structure for themselves that will ensure they show up and stay committed to the goal they have set for themselves. They have created a solid foundation in their lives that they can launch themselves from.

My client had spent the past 18 months creating that for himself, and it had been truly magical to witness what he has been able to create as a result of it. And who he has become in the process is the real win. See, when we nourish our bodies, nurture our hearts, listen to our souls, we show up authentically as our best selves, we show up with intention to our lives, and we become who we need to be in our lives to create the kind of lives we want to be living. It’s no small thing.

It’s the foundation of everything, and it ensures that you can show up with the same level of commitment, willingness, grit, determination, openness, and enthusiasm to your life on January 1^st as you did on December 31^st or on May 2^nd, or September 23^rd, or any other date. When we live our lives from this perspective, the end of the year becomes less triggering, less about pushing through, and more about staying intentional with ourselves.

I want to share more about the other traits from the description of what it means to finish strong. It read that finishing strong is a sign of commitment, integrity, and excellence. What is commitment? And how is it different from intention?

See, it’s more important for me to be intentional than not to be intentional. When I’m intentional, I’m more mindful of how I’m showing up. I’m not simply going through the motions of my life, I’m choosing how I want to show up to my life. I will be sharing more about this in an upcoming article that I will probably share with this community in the New Year…

And there is another distinction that Steve Chandler makes between intention and commitment. In this context, the word intention, has a slightly different meaning. When I have the intention to do something, it means that it’s on my mind, and perhaps I might not be fully ready or committed to executing on it.

For example, I might have the intention to go for a walk, or to go to a Yoga class, or to go to the gym. And when something more important or more pressing comes up, I might drop that intention in favour of the thing I perceive as more important. How many times have you said, “I wanted to go to the gym, but I had to work”, or “I intended to phone her, and then I got busy”.

We all have some things in our lives that are merely intentions right now, they have not become commitments yet. A commitment, in this context, is very different. A commitment is foundation. It’s non-negotiable. It’s in our calendar. When I have a job interview, that’s a commitment. I put the date, time, and location in my calendar, and I will show up for the interview. And I can have a commitment to go to Yoga. When Yoga is a commitment, it’s in my calendar. I’ve committed to a date, time, and place where I will be doing Yoga. It’s as solid as anything else in my life that I’m showing up to. When I make a commitment to phone my friend, it’s in my calendar. I’ve decided when I will be phoning her, and I actually phone her a the time that I had committed to do so.

From this perspective, do you see how powerful a commitment to slowing down, taking stock, nourishing your body, and nurturing your heart and soul can be? When it’s a commitment, I show up for it every day or every week. It’s not something I occasionally think about. It’s something that I’m practicing in my life. I’ve put habits, systems, and structures in place in my life to support me in honouring that commitment to myself.

Lastly, I want to talk about integrity. I recently wrote about the deeper meaning of integrity. It’s not just following through on your commitments and honouring your word to yourself and others. It’s also about speaking your truth and standing in that truth. Am I being truthful with myself? Am I listening to my own body, heart, and soul?

And that is what has been front of mind for me these last few months. I’m completing this year by slowing down, taking stock, nourishing my body, and listening to my heart and soul. And I see these things as the very foundation that will support me to move into the new year with grace, love, and commitment. I’m standing in what’s true for me, and there is no greater strength than that. It really is finishing strong, because I’m choosing to fill my cup so I can pour from a full one. And when we pour from a full cup, we create excellent results, because we show up as better and stronger versions of ourselves. Excellence remains elusive when we are pouring from an empty cup.

So, dear reader, how will you finish this year? What’s the foundation you will be creating in the next 30 days? And what’s your commitment to YOURSELF, that has you stay in integrity, and complete this year with grace and guidance too, not just grit?