You don’t need to burn out to succeed

Susan David highlights that success — in life, in work, in creative pursuits — is often synonymous with keeping our noses to the grindstone as we rack up the requisite 10 000 hours of mastery that Malcolm Gladwell popularised.

There are many reasons to celebrate grit. The things we value most in life, like meaningful relationships, and pursuing work that matter to us, or building the requisite skill to thrive in life and work, those things require commitment and persistence to get you through challenging times. Sometimes persisting even when faced with failure and disappointment, delivers incredible results in terms of innovation or personal growth and transformation.

However, despite its many virtues, it is possible to overvalue grittiness. Susan David postulates that the self-awareness to know when to quit is just as important as the discipline to hold on and grit your way through. There are times in your life, when perseverance doesn’t lead to you thriving, but instead to you burning out. Perseverance is a necessary ingredient for human thriving, but we must be thoughtful about what we’re persevering at and why. […]

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The Magic in Dandelions

About a year ago, I wrote an article about chasing Dandelions after watching a TED Talk by Dewitt Jones. Dewitt is a photographer for the National Geographic and openly declares it to be the greatest job in the world…

I listened to Dewitt’s talk, mesmerised, and inspired. Before hearing his story, I did not take much notice of Dandelions. However, I have since come to appreciate this little flower for a couple of reasons. I will share them here. […]

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Perfection Detox: Learning to trust yourself

In 2018 Petra Kolber released her book, The Perfection Detox. I had pre-ordered the book and was very excited to start reading it. By that time in my life, I had come a long way and I had accepted that I was in fact a perfectionist with an insatiable need for perfection and control. So, I was looking forward to embarking on my own perfection detox. I had the book. I thought I was ready, and yet the detox never happened. Why? Well, it’s kind of a long story… […]

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Emotional agility and self-care in times of complexity

Over the last few weeks most of the conversations I’ve been having, have been around feeling more tired than usual – exhausted actually. 2020 took its toll on all of us and it seems that even though we are making slow progress, the end is not in sight yet. This new now is here to stay for a while longer.

More specifically, I think the level of exhaustion people are experiencing currently ties into the time of year. January is the month of new beginnings and resolutions. We resolve to become better people and do more. We resolve to become fitter, healthier, happier, and more productive. And I think this year, there was the added nuance, of wanting more for ourselves than we felt we allowed ourselves in 2020. It’s like the whole world held its breath for the whole of 2020 and waited to exhale once the countdown into the new year was over.

However, the exhale never came. Instead, we are still holding our breaths, still waiting for the green light for life to get back to “normal”. And this constant state of expectation and hesitation is adding to the level of exhaustion people currently experience.

February is here. The novelty of the new year has worn off. Now we are simply in another year, going around the sun one more time, and now the reality of it all has hit us. We are still in the middle of a global pandemic, still trying to make sense of the loss, trauma, and grief we experienced in 2020. We are still trying to find a new rhythm to the chaos that is our lives. And there seems to be no rest in sight, no communal sigh of relief that we’ve finally reached the end of this, and we can now just get on with it. […]

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Embracing the Winter of the Mind

All my years living in South Africa, I had complained about cold winters. It wasn’t until I moved to Canada that I realised that your perception of what a cold winter is, depends very much on where you live in the world. Experiencing the winters here in Canada made me realise that it was never really that cold in South Africa. It just felt that way, because what I had been used to was extreme, dry heat in summer. So, consequently the switchover to cooler weather felt dramatic. Compared to the weather in Canada, the average winter’s day in South Africa feels about the same as the average spring day in Canada. In fact, sometimes winter in South Africa is warmer than spring here in Canada.

It also wasn’t until I lived in Canada that I understood how cold and darkness can affect your mood. I had heard about Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD), but I wasn’t always sure if it was real, or whether people were just using the weather as an excuse to be unproductive. I had underestimated what a lack of sunshine can do to your psyche. […]

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You don’t rise to the level of your goals, you fall to the level of your systems…

As I mentioned in my blog post about Creating Your Year with Intention and Focus, the start of a new year is usually a time to set goals and to commit anew to the person you want to become. However, so often people don’t follow through on those initial new year’s resolutions. As soon as the novelty of the new year wears off, most of us fall back into our old behaviour patterns and forget how we promised ourselves that this year will be different.

Let’s be clear, we are creatures of habits, and our habits often become so ingrained that we don’t even see our habits as habits. We simply think of them as how we are, or who we are. Some habits have been part of our life for so long that they are part of our identity. It’s how we see ourselves. For example, being a non-smoker, or a smoker, being vegetarian, being a runner, or someone who likes routine, being an anxious person, or someone who questions everything, etc. […]

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The true meaning of Resilience

A few months ago, I wrote about how to cultivate resilience. Although most of what I shared in that article is true, I do feel like I need to expand on the idea of resilience a bit. I recently completed my training as a Certified Resilience Coach through the Leadership Wellness Group in Canada. Most of what I learned in the program, was not new to me. I’ve worked with these concepts and ideas for many years – especially during my time as a university lecturer, specialising in Organisational Behaviour and Organisational Wellness. Now, working as a coach, this knowledge has served me well in supporting my clients in cultivating their own resilience.

I think the main way in which my thinking about resilience has changed, is in how I talk to my clients about it. People often mistakenly think that resilience is a character or personality trait or that overcoming difficult situations or circumstances, makes you resilient. However, I have realised two important things about resilience. Firstly, resilience is not a personality trait that some people possess, and others don’t. Resilience – just like emotional agility or mental agility – can be learned. And secondly, it’s not overcoming difficult situations or circumstances that makes you resilient. In fact, it’s the other way around, it’s if and when you are resilient that you are able to overcome challenges or difficult situations. Let me explain. […]

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How to turn a limestone quarry into a lush garden

Last Summer, I took a trip with my family to Vancouver Island, British Columbia and we paid a visit to The Butchart Gardens. As stated on their website: “The Butchart Gardens is a must-see oasis over 100 years in the making”. And what a privilege it was to take in the beauty of this place that stands as a testament to what is possible when one has a grand vision. The story of The Butchart Gardens has some hidden life lessons and it is also one of the most interesting family business success stories rarely told… […]

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Getting to Know your Inner Critic

Imagine for a moment that you are a landlord, and you have a tenant who has been living on the upstairs floor of your house for as long as you can remember. The tenant is loud and opinionated, and has, on many occasions, kept you up at night. You’ve considered evicting them, but you always avoid confrontation instead. Besides, maybe the tenant is right. Maybe your demands are too much, or you are being unreasonable and inflexible. The tenant doesn’t contribute anything to the environment you share, and criticizes you anytime you try to make an improvement in your living conditions. They don’t even pay rent! In fact, it costs YOU to have them stay in your home. And yet you let them stay.

Now you might be thinking, “no way! I would never put up with that!” And yet you do! Sometimes for decades… […]

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Chasing Dandelions

It’s so easy to look at a situation and see the problem. In fact, we are conditioned to look for problems and people are often also paid handsomely to solve problems. There are psychologists who reason that problem-solving is a critical survival skill. We anticipate problems, so we can deal with them before they threaten our survival. Problem-solving is at the core of human evolution. It is how we understand what is happening in our environment, identify things we want to change, and then figure out the things that need to be done to create the desired outcome. It could also be argued that problem-solving is the source of all new inventions, and the basis for market-based economies.

However, always looking for a problem, could also detract from our ability to see what’s good about a situation. It could rob us of our present-moment awareness and detract from our overall level of joy. I’m not saying we should let go of our desire to solve problems. However, I am advocating for a different perspective when we are looking for solutions. It’s as if we have been conditioned into problem-solving mode so much, that we now see everything as a problem – even people. […]

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