Chasing Dandelions

It’s so easy to look at a situation and see the problem. In fact, we are conditioned to look for problems and people are often also paid handsomely to solve problems. There are psychologists who reason that problem-solving is a critical survival skill. We anticipate problems, so we can deal with them before they threaten our survival. Problem-solving is at the core of human evolution. It is how we understand what is happening in our environment, identify things we want to change, and then figure out the things that need to be done to create the desired outcome. It could also be argued that problem-solving is the source of all new inventions, and the basis for market-based economies.

However, always looking for a problem, could also detract from our ability to see what’s good about a situation. It could rob us of our present-moment awareness and detract from our overall level of joy. I’m not saying we should let go of our desire to solve problems. However, I am advocating for a different perspective when we are looking for solutions. It’s as if we have been conditioned into problem-solving mode so much, that we now see everything as a problem – even people.

From a Co-Active perspective, a person can never be a problem. Here’s why. If you look at someone as a problem, you believe they need to be “fixed” or “helped” in some way. Yet, most of us don’t like being told what to do and don’t really appreciate or even take to heart unsolicited advice. We like to think that we can solve our own problems. An important cornerstone principle in the Co-Active Leadership Model, is to hold the person in front of you as “naturally creative, resourceful and whole”.

What does it mean to hold someone as naturally resourceful creative and whole? It means that you don’t look at the person as broken or as someone who has a problem (or is a problem) that needs to be fixed. It means that you assume that the person is creative and can thus come up with their own solutions to a problem. It means that they are resourceful and thus, even when faced with difficult circumstances, they will find a way. With sufficient guidance and insight, they will find an answer that works for them and they will also have the motivation, resilience, and drive to create the solution they want. It means that despite so-called “character flaws” or “weaknesses”, the person is not “broken”. They don’t need to be “fixed” or “healed” in some way. In fact, they are already “whole”. They are essence. They may have lost touch with their deeper essence – or who they truly are – but they are not broken. A whole person is a multi-dimensional person, with different life dimensions, with hopes, dreams, and desires; with the ability to see things differently and consciously create the life they want.

What all this means, is that when I work with a client, I assume that they have the answers and that I simply have to ask them the right questions. It means that they don’t need to depend on me. They can learn to depend on themselves. It means that they are capable of creating the life they want. They simply must be willing to be in discomfort and stretch themselves. All people are capable of change and growth. All people have dreams and desires. Some of us have simply given up on those dreams and desires, because the people around us treat us as if we are broken or we believe that about ourselves.

How you see things, impacts on how you show up in the world. If you believe that you are flawed or broken or lost or stuck, then you will behave like that. You will show up to your life as someone who is broken and weak and incapable or incompetent and you will fulfil that prophecy, and live the life of a broken, weak, lost, incapable or incompetent person.

If you look for problems, you will find problems. Everywhere. All the time. And you will spend your life complaining about all the problems you see.

I recently watched this beautifully inspired TED Talk by Dewitt Jones. His message was to “celebrate what’s right in the world”. As a photographer for National Geographic, it’s his job to go out and look for beautiful scenes in nature to photograph. It’s his job to look for what’s right or beautiful about the situation. It’s his job to notice what’s right in front of him and to change his lens if he can’t see it. His message? “Change your lens, change your life”.  In other words, if what you are looking at seems wrong or broken, then change your perspective.

By changing how you look at things, you could literally change your life. By choosing to focus on what’s right or what’s beautiful; by choosing to see the gift in a specific moment, instead of focusing on the problem or on what’s broken or wrong, you change how you look at the situation; you change how you feel about it; and you change how you respond to the situation.

The value in changing your lens, is that you realise that there is never just one right answer. Instead, there are many different answers, many different possibilities. Why would you limit yourself to one right answer, if you could find multiple perspectives to choose from? By looking for different perspectives, you turn what seems like an impossible problem to solve into an adventure. Now, there are possibilities and you get to choose. Having options to choose from is so much more empowering than simply looking for that one, right, perfect solution.

In fact, looking for the perfect solution to the problem is what has gotten many people stuck for a very long time. Eventually, they start looking at the situation simply from that one perspective and they are unable to see any other way. And if the one perspective you are holding doesn’t resonate, or feels like it might be too hard, or even impossible, it means you stay stuck. You can’t get moving, because the solution is impossible to implement. And before you know it, you are no longer looking at yourself as naturally creative, resourceful and whole. You see yourself as broken, or lost, or dysfunctional, or incapable of solving this insurmountable problem. That is incredibly disempowering.

Dewitt Jones describes one photoshoot at the Selkirk Mountains of British Columbia, Canada where he came across a field of dandelions.