Mindset Archives - Page 5 of 10 - Chantal Breytenbach Coaching

Dreams are for losers

I want to speak to you about a commencement speech Shonda Rhimes gave at her alma mater Dartmouth College in 2014, where she said this simple yet striking line: “Dreams are for losers”. Yes, you heard that right, she said dreams are for losers. She goes on to explain why. At almost every commencement speech someone will tell the graduates to go follow their dreams, or to never stop dreaming. And what Shonda says is that isn’t helpful advice. It won’t actually help you succeed, because dreamers aren’t successful… […]

The secret to becoming an adult is to embrace your inner child

Posted on May 31, 2022By ChantalPosted in Decision-Making / Happiness / In the muck / Life / Meaning / Mindset / Perspective / Thinking / Transformation

Recently, I wrote about how most of us are beating up on ourselves for not knowing how to be adults. I shared that life doesn’t come with an instruction manual, so none of us really know what it means to be an adult. We are all trying to figure it out. In Elizabeth Benton’s incredible book, Chasing Cupcakes, she talks about how to take responsibility and create the life that you want, and she essentially shares two rules for adulting. […]

Drop abundance

Posted on May 16, 2022By ChantalPosted in Gratitude / Happiness / Leadership / Life / Meaning / Mindset / Perspective / Thriving / Transformation

If asked, many of us might argue that the opposite of scarcity is abundance, but that’s not accurate. Abundance is not the opposite of scarcity. In his book, Right Now, Steve Chandler challenges the whole notion of striving for abundance and he has changed the way I think about abundance. So today, I want share with you what I’ve learnt. […]

What if fear is not a bad thing?

Posted on April 18, 2022By ChantalPosted in Courage / Emotional Agility / Goals / In the muck / Leadership / Life / Mindset / Perspective / Planning / Resilience / Thinking / Thriving

The other day I was helping a client work through a lot of fear and anxiety she was feeling. The way she was relating to fear was that it was a bad thing and that she shouldn’t feel so scared. And so often we do that, right? We resist the fear, telling ourselves that we shouldn’t be fearful. Yet, what we resist persists. So, the more we try and ignore our fear, the bigger it seems to get. Eventually it’s like this dark looming cloud.

Susan David says, “real courage is not fearlessness, it’s fear walking”. And she has a point. However, have you ever considered WHY you experience fear in the first place? […]

You don’t need motivation to get started on something

Posted on April 12, 2022By ChantalPosted in Commitment / Courage / Failure / Grit / Happiness / In the muck / Inspiration / Life / Meaning / Mindset / Passion / Purpose / Resilience / Thriving / Transformation

I’ve always been a highly driven and motivated person. I seldom have difficulty getting into action on something once I’ve decided that I want to do it. I can’t relate much to procrastinating on things, because I don’t do it often. And people have often described me as someone who knows what she wants and goes after it.

Two weeks ago, I attended a coaching development workshop. In many ways it was a life-changing experience. And then almost at the very end of the workshop, I received a new insight on motivation that not only changed my perspective on the whole concept, but also made me realise why some people get into action quickly and others don’t. And I want to share what I’ve learnt with you, because it will change the way you think about motivation.

The most important thing I’ve learnt from this experience and from reflecting back on my own life experiences, is that you don’t need motivation to get started. You need something else. […]

You are the seed of your future self

Posted on March 28, 2022By ChantalPosted in Coaching / Courage / In the muck / Leadership / Life / Meaning / Mindset / Perspective / Purpose / Thriving / Transformation

In conversation with my coach the other day, she said two things that stuck with me. She said, “You are your future self. Whoever you will become, you are already her. She lives inside of you.” And she also reflected that flowers don’t just burst open and start blooming, they blossom slowly.

I had to think long and hard about this. What she said hit hard. […]

Reconnecting with a sense of hopefulness

Posted on March 15, 2022By ChantalPosted in Courage / Emotional Agility / Gratitude / Happiness / In the muck / Life / Meaning / Mindset / Perspective / Self-care / Slow down

As a coach, a big part of my job, is to instill hopefulness and inspiration in my clients. My job is to help them see a different perspective so that they feel empowered to move forward in a difficult situation. I can’t solve my client’s problems for them, but they can navigate their problems with grace, if they feel like they have a choice. And you always have a choice, even if you are not seeing it right now in this moment.

So, given that I am the custodian of hope for my clients, how do I stay hopeful during times of chaos and frustration? […]

The keys to a more loving relationship

Posted on February 22, 2022By ChantalPosted in Courage / Emotional Agility / Happiness / Life / Love / Mindset

In the spirit of the month of February being the month of love, I recently attended an event hosted by the University of Santa Monica on the keys to a more loving relationship. The core idea Drs. Ron and Mary Hulnick shared at this event, is that we are all engaged in a fundamental misunderstanding about love, and that is that we believe love is “out there somewhere”. This idea resonated with me.

Often people are looking for love, and they believe that when they find it, their lives will change for the better. In many ways, this is a passive way of engaging in any relationship. Waiting for love to find you or for the loving feeling to come over you, is essentially saying YOU can’t create love or relationship. You must WAIT for it to happen to you. And that’s not entirely true. […]

Love is an action

Posted on February 14, 2022By ChantalPosted in Happiness / In the muck / Life / Love / Meaning / Mindfulness / Mindset / Perfection Detox / Perspective / Purpose / Self-care1 Comment

I find it so strange that we live in a world where we have commercialised everything to the point that even the most important things in our lives can lose their meaning and significance. I have always found the idea of Valentine’s Day a little absurd since love cannot be bought or sold. Love is not a commodity. And creating a day where we remind people of their own loneliness, disconnection, and insecurities seems like the opposite of loving to me. It seems almost cruel.

I’m not saying don’t appreciate your significant other, but I am questioning why you need a reminder to do that, or why they only get to be seen and celebrated on ONE day of the year.

Love isn’t a feeling either. The feeling you feel when you say that you are in love, is infatuation, desire, or lust. But love, real love is an ACT. Love is a way of being in the world. It’s the opposite of judgement. When I choose to show up in loving, I’m choosing to suspend judgement and to truly see the essence of the person in front of me. […]

What if rejection is redirection?

Posted on January 24, 2022By ChantalPosted in Courage / Emotional Agility / Failure / Grit / Happiness / In the muck / Life / Mindset / Perspective / Rejection / Resilience / Thriving

We’ve all been there. You ask out that person that you can’t get out of your mind, and they say no. You apply for that dream job, and it’s a no. You apply for a loan, or make an offer on a new house, or negotiate on a car, and it’s a no. You send in a proposal, apply to the university you would love to get into, send in an article to a big publication, and they say no. Rejection. It’s stings. Sometimes, it deflates you so much that you simply want to give up.

None of us get through life without being rejected along the way. For some, the rejection may have started early in life. You may have felt rejected by your parents, or your family, or your friends. For others, they are so used to getting a yes to everything they ask for, that the first rejection floors them completely.

When I started working with my coach, she introduced me to Steve Chandler’s work. Something he says often is, “yes lives in the land of no”… […]