“Even if certain suffering is in the future, you have to take the path that your real True Self wants. Until you take that path, your soul will feel its thirst forever. – Ilchi Lee
“Your future self is watching you right now through your memories.” – Aubrey De Grey
In the northern hemisphere, we are starting to see the first signs of Spring. The days are getting longer. And when I go for walks in the morning, I’m greeted by the sound of birds everywhere. I love this time of year. Spring is my favourite season. It’s the season of hope and of promise; of renewal and rebirth.
In conversation with my coach the other day, she said two things that stuck with me. She said, “You are your future self. Whoever you will become, you are already her. She lives inside of you.” And she also reflected that flowers don’t just burst open and start blooming, they blossom slowly.
I had to think long and hard about this. What she said hit hard. And since it is Spring, I thought the timing of our conversation was just perfect. Over the course of last week, I had some really powerful conversations with people who spoke about their traumatic childhoods and the experiences that shaped them.
It’s so easy to get caught in a victim mindset when there is a lot of trauma. It’s easy to feel powerless or to view ourselves as flawed or defective in some way. It’s easy to overlook how some of those experiences – however painful and difficult – also happened FOR us. Those very experiences that caused us so much pain, also helped us grow and become the people we are today.
All the people I spoke to last week had blossomed into self-aware, kind, compassionate, loving, and courageous people. They had made conscious choices to break the cycles of abuse they had experienced. Each person had become a cycle breaker in their own right. Each person had become a leader in their own right. As each person sat in front of me and shared their pain, I also saw their radiance, their beauty, their strength, their courage, their fierce heart. I saw how powerful they are, even though they were not seeing it in that moment.
In the midst of their pain and turmoil, they were slowly blossoming. They were becoming their future selves. The people who would create the lives they are living now. I heard stories of overcoming poverty, of choosing to be loving, connected, committed parents, of modeling to their children what courage, generosity, and kindness looks like, of doing work that matters, or of walking away from relationships that no longer served them. I heard stories of overcoming, of bravely confronting, of consciously choosing a different path. I heard stories of wealth and beauty, of love and compassion.
Upon deep reflection, I realised that I carried the seeds of who I was going to become within me even during the darkest days of my life. And I also carry the seed of who I will become in the future with me. When I think back on my childhood and my life as a young adult, I still remember how it felt to be me back then, even though I also know I’m no longer that person anymore. And I guess it’s the same with my future self. She will remember what it was like to be me now, but she will be a different version of me.
Recognising that I carry the seed of my future self within me now, instills a sense of hopefulness. It means that who I am now will form the foundation of who I will be in the future. It means that the experiences I have now will inform who I become, and I get to choose now how I want to respond to those experiences. I can choose to live into that future self now.
When I started my business, I had no idea where I was going to end up or what I was going to create. I simply had the vision of what I wanted and who I wanted to become. And in moments of self-doubt and darkness, my coach would often encourage me to live as if I was already the coach I hoped to become. Live as if it’s already true. That idea sparked a deep inner motivation to keep going, to keep working at my craft, to keep leaning into the discomfort of transformation. I’m a different coach than when I started. In some ways I’m better. In some ways I’m still growing. And I’ve changed and I will continue to change. And I’m excited about what’s to come and about who I will be one day.
And, dear reader, I want to share that what’s true for me, is also true for you. I saw the truth of that over the course of last week in having one conversation after another with one courageous warrior after another. You carry the seed of who you will become within you already. Even if you are currently experiencing deep heartache, deep despair, and frustration; even if it feels like you are stuck or going around in circles right now, I want to share that what you perceive as chaos, frustration, and “stuckness”, is actually the fertile ground that is helping you blossom. You are becoming your future self.
Sometimes that can be a slow and even painful process. Some of the most spectacular flowers grow in places where we don’t think anything can grow. The most prominent example of this is the lotus flower.
Lotus flowers are of spiritual significance in Buddhism and many other religions. They generally represent spiritual awakening, purity, and faithfulness. This belief stems from the fact that lotus flowers emerge from muddy waters. For Buddhists, that means the act of rising above despite challenges and moving towards the light of wisdom. From the darkness and the mud, rises this burst of colour and beauty. It evokes a sense of hopefulness about what’s possible, even in the midst of pain. Different colour lotus flowers also have different meanings.
In the Christian faith there is the parable of the mustard seed. The mustard seed is one of the smallest seeds and yet it contains within itself the power to grow into a large tree. What isn’t discussed in the parable, but that I think is also relevant here, is that the mustard seed doesn’t question it’s potential. It simply lives into it. If we align with the flow of life and embrace the experiences that come across our path, there are so many possibilities for who we might become.
I’m currently reading The Ultimate Coach, which is essentially Steve Hardison’s biography. In the introduction to the book, Steve implores:
“This is not a book about coaching. Please DO NOT read this book about me. Read this book about you. Read it about being. As you read, ask yourself:
Who would I need to BE to be a more loving person?
Who would I need to BE to be a more effective parent?
Who would I need to BE to create a level of confidence that is remarkable?
Who would I need to BE to be at peace with who I am?
Who would I need to BE to be fully in love with myself and my life?
Who would I need to BE to live the most extraordinary life I can live?
I promise you that if you read this book with the intention of expanding your state of being, you will do exactly that. Your experience will be remarkable.
Who you are Being is everything.”
This prompt at the start changes the reading experience one has when reading this book. It has helped me see how every experience can shape who we choose to become. What I’ve learnt from Steve’s story, is that we all carry the seed of who we will become within us, even when we don’t realise it. Your story, your experiences, are an important part of your journey and your evolution. So, instead of resisting what life is presenting you with, why not embrace it? I wonder who you will become…
References:
- Breytenbach, C. (2021). Become a Cycle Breaker. Available online at: https://chantalbreytenbach.com/become_a_cycle_breaker/
- Breytenbach, C. (2021). What’s in a story? Available online at: https://chantalbreytenbach.com/whats_in_a_story/
- Breytenbach, C. (2022). The world needs you to be a leader. Available online at: https://chantalbreytenbach.com/the_world_needs_you_to_be_a_leader/
- Hardison, A. & Thompson, A. D. (2021). The Ultimate Coach. Mesa, Arizona: Zeebroff Books.
- Moulton, M. (2020). Ultimate guide to lotus flower meanings and symbolism. Petal Republic. Available online at: https://www.petalrepublic.com/lotus-flower-meanings/