Morning Routines

I recently read an interesting article by Sarah K. Peck, a fellow coach and mompreneur, where she questioned the value of morning routines. She highlighted how morning routines have become very popular. These days many famous and successful people attribute their success to a solid morning routine.

I’m a particular fan of Devon Bandison’s POWER hour. Essentially, Devon commits to waking up early so he can dedicate the first hour of his day to his most important activities for the day. He shares that he gets the most important tasks he is committed to on a particular day done during his power hour, which allows him to slow down and savour and enjoy the rest of his day. POWER is used as an acronym for Peace, Openness, What Who Why (Setting Intentions), Exercise, and Reading. Devon’s commitment to POWER, helps him create his day with intention and focus.

There are also others who argue that starting your day slowly with intention serves you in staying more present during the day. Ask anyone on the Internet, and the collective blog-o-sphere will tell you the list of ways you should wake up and care for your self and your soul. According to Sarah K. Peck, if you search the hashtag #morningroutine, you’ll come away with the conclusion that there’s somehow a “right” way to approach your morning routine. Suggestions include reading, journaling, meditation and prayer, yoga, forest bathing, writing a gratitude list… And some even include the latest trends such as bullet journaling, a set number of minutes of breathing or exercise, specific supplements, fasting routines, and even clothing routines to make decision-making easier and simpler.

What Sarah K. Peck questions in her article, is why all the activities highlighted for a morning routine never involve other people. They are all activities that are meant for an individual to be completed alone. Not one of the suggested activities for a morning routine involve building and maintaining important relationships in one’s life.  

Now, I can imagine what you might be thinking here, isn’t a morning routine supposed to be a solitary activity? Isn’t that the point? The way I’ve understood a morning routine, is that it is the time of the day where you create time for yourself. It is intended to be quiet time meant for reflection and for setting clear intentions for your day.

And I can also see what Peck is pointing out. For many parents with small children, establishing a morning routine that allows for an hour or more of quiet time, might feel like an impossible task. Ask any parent who spent the night waking up to tend to a baby or toddler and who is dragging their tired bodies out of bed after only a few hours of sleep. The furthest thing from their mind, is a morning routine. Would they love some quiet time? Absolutely. Can they afford it? Probably not.

And this is the challenge, when we become too rigid about anything in life, we turn something that is meant to serve us into a tool for self-punishment. I’ve had clients beat up on themselves for not being able to stick to a morning routine, or for going through the motions of a morning routine and not feeling less anxious during the course of their day. And it always comes down to this, the issue is not the issue. How you are being with yourself as you go through the issue, is the real issue.

If you have small children, or a job that requires you to wake up early so you can avoid traffic and get to work on time, then my invitation is that you start looking at your morning routine in a different way. How can what you are already doing serve you to start your day with intention?

I will share two of my own stories here to highlight the point. When I just started working in higher education, I lived really far from my work and the commute was challenging at times. To avoid traffic, I would wake up at 5 AM and leave my house at 6 AM in the mornings, so I could get to work just after 7 AM. For me, that was more helpful than spending two hours in traffic and getting to work late and frazzled.

I used to spend my driving time listening to the news, until I started to realise that listening to the news caused me so much distress that I got to work feeling worked up and negative. It was not the state of mind I wanted to be in. I also noticed how the traffic felt worse to me when I was in that state of mind.

What was happening on the inside for me, was that I was resisting reality. I was actively fighting and resisting reality and wanting things to be different than they were. Was that helpful? Not at all. Did it help me get to work in the state of mind and being I wanted to be in? Nope.

So, I started listening to audio books on my drive to work. I love reading. And I don’t often have time to sit with a book and just read. Listening to audio books gave me two things. I could live out my love for reading, AND, I suddenly started looking forward to my morning drives. It was the quiet time I craved to do something I enjoyed. I got so immersed in the story, that the traffic didn’t bother me as much. In fact, I didn’t really mind it. The longer the drive, the more time I had to listen to my book. And I got to work feeling relaxed and ready to take on the day with focus and intention.

Reality didn’t change. How I responded to it did. And it made all the difference. The issue is not the issue. How you are being with yourself as you go through the issue, is the real issue. This might not be the typical morning routine that is on the list of suggested activities, but it worked for me to set and create the intention I wanted for my day. It served me during that time of my life.

When did I exercise? Exercise is also on the list of things to do during your morning routine. I exercised in the evenings. I would pack my bag for gym and would stop at the gym on my way back from work. Once I let go of the idea that I HAD to do my exercise in the morning, and I decided that exercise any time of day is better than no exercise at all, it got easier. And I started to love my evening gym sessions, because they were a great way to destress after a long day at work. They provided me with the energy I needed to create meaningful evenings together with my husband.

So, I broke all the rules here. I didn’t start my morning slowly with meditation and prayer, I didn’t exercise in the morning. I spent my mornings in traffic, listening to fictional stories. And it worked for my lifestyle at the time.

Now, I’m a mompreneur with two small children, and when my kids don’t sleep, I don’t either. There are nights that drag on into the early hours of the morning, and if I were to beat myself into submission and force myself through a morning routine, I imagine that I might be worse off for it.

So, instead I ask myself what my intention for the day is, and what I most need when I wake up. Most mornings, I need some time to myself. And I will go out and take a walk by myself, or depending on how much I had slept, I might go for a run. In the past, I used to force myself to run, even after no sleep and whilst feeling so exhausted, because the perfectionist in me believed that I HAD to run otherwise I was failing.

Now, I always choose love. How can I love myself and care for myself through the choices I make about my morning routine? Some mornings I love myself enough to run. Other days, I love myself enough to walk instead. The activity doesn’t matter as much as what I’m intending to get from the activity.

Some mornings I wake up and I feel inspired to write, so I sit down and commit to writing. And I allow the words to flow out onto the paper until I’m spent. On days when I’m too tired to feel inspired, I don’t force myself to write, because I know that it won’t serve me.

And this brings me to Sarah K. Pecks, original question about why none of the morning routines involve other people, or building and maintaining important relationships. During the month of August, while traveling with my children, there were mornings when they would both be awake early, and going out for a morning run or walk was simply not an option. So, we would lie in bed and cuddle, or we would read a story. My mornings started out playful and in connection with the two people in my world that I adore the most. And I know that these moments are precious, because one day soon, they will be bigger and they won’t want to snuggle in the morning, or want tickles, or want to tell jokes in bed. They will be off following their own morning routines.

During this time, we also spent a week at the beach, and I would go out really early in the morning to catch the sunrise. Some mornings, my daughter would be awake, and I would take her with me, and we would walk, and talk, and watch the sun rise in the sky.

These moments and Peck’s article made me think that morning routines don’t need to be so rigid; that we really need to question what we want to get out of our morning routines. What’s the intention for your day? What are your most important values? And how could you best honour them through the activities you choose for your morning routine? And why does your morning routine have to look like everyone else’s?

My morning routine includes breakfast with my kids and driving them to school while we sing and talk. And the time with them is precious. Always. It feeds my need for connection, love, and belonging. It allows me to honour my value of family. So, I agree with Peck that a morning routine doesn’t always have to be an individual endeavour undertaken in solitude. It could be an opportunity to connect, to listen deeply, to share, to apologise to someone you’ve wronged, to speak to an old friend, to phone a parent, or share a cup of coffee with your partner.

On my morning walks, I often pass this couple sitting outside on their veranda having coffee. They do this every morning before the husband leaves for work. That’s their morning routine and it’s beautiful. It’s shared time to connect with each other before the rush of the day.

So, dear reader, I will leave you with some questions on this. How are you being with yourself about not just your morning routine, but anything you need to get done during your day? How do you treat yourself in those moments when reality isn’t doing what you want it to do? What’s most important to you and how can your routines and rituals reflect what’s most important? What is your intention for your day?

Never underestimate the power of intention. Get clear on the intention, and the activity won’t matter, because you can pray and meditate in the middle of traffic, or while trying to get your kids out the door for school. It’s what’s happening on the inside that is far more important than anything happening on the outside.

References:

1. Bandison, D. (2016). The Morning Routine that will change your life. Huffington Post, March 2016. Available online at: https://www.huffpost.com/entry/the-morning-routine-that_b_9358530
2. Peck, S.K. (2022). Most morning routines and productivity lists completely miss one critical life skill. Startup Parent, 9 August 2022. Available online at: https://startupparent.substack.com/p/what-your-morning-productivity-list?utm_source=substack&utm_medium=email