“The more you praise and celebrate your life, the more there is in life to celebrate.” – Oprah Winfrey
“The most beautiful things are not associated with money; they are memories and moments. If you don’t celebrate those, they can pass you by.” – Alek Wek
I’ve been thinking about of you and about this time of year. For some, this is a joyous time of year. And for some it’s the most miserable time of the year… How you feel about the holiday season probably has a lot to do with how you grew up and what occurred during the holiday seasons.
The past three years, we have had death in the family every year, either on Christmas, or around Christmas. I write this on the back of news that someone passed away yesterday. When there is death, upset, heartbreak, conflict, etc., it can be easy to become weary of this time of year, or to dislike it intensely.
If this is you, if you had miserable holidays growing up, or Christmas was a non-event in your home, growing up, if someone you loved died on Christmas, I see you. I get it. I used to hate Christmas, birthdays, any kind of celebration, really. Until a few years ago, when I recognised that celebration is a way to express gratitude and to honour the goodness of life, even in the midst of great sadness. Those of you who know me, know that gratitude is an important value in my life, and something I honour, because the practice of gratitude has fundamentally changed my life.
In my work with my coach, I realised that I get to reclaim my birthday, and Christmas, and any other holiday I want to reclaim. I get to choose how and in what ways I celebrate. I get to make it meaningful to me personally. And now, I’m someone who doesn’t just look for the things I’m grateful for, I’m also someone who celebrates as a deep expression of my gratitude.
There is enough heartbreak, conflict, fear, frustration, and misery in the world. There are so many reasons to be unhappy, especially given the events of the past few years, and yet, choosing joy, choosing gratitude, choosing celebration, is one of the most powerful ways to take ownership of our reaction to such events. Choosing to be in gratitude and celebration, is a way that we can still find light and hope in a world of chaos. It’s a way we can spread joy. It’s a way we can pour our energy into something that makes this world a better place.
A client of mine recently shifted her perspective on celebration, once she recognised that without celebration, there is no motivation to continue to work hard and strive. What would be the point if there is no joy in any of it? She also gained the new insight that celebration doesn’t have to mean big parties and fanfare. It can be tailored to what the person desires or longs for most, and that the best celebrations are the ones that are authentic and meaningful.
We tend to think that when things are difficult, painful, or challenging, we need to be somber and serious. It’s that very belief that stops us from finding hope during the most difficult of times. I’m always reminded of Victor Frankl’s story and how he was able to find gratitude and hope while being captive in a Nazi concentration camp. It’s this very mindset that helped him face the horrors of the concentration camp. Frankl believed we could find hope in one of three things – (1) by creating something or doing work that is of value to us, (2) through our loved ones and really being present with those we love, (3) or by “the attitude you take when faced with unavoidable suffering”.
Last year this time, we were painting and fixing our new house, and preparing to move in. We had hope. We were excited about the new possibilities and this new beginning. And now, we get to celebrate our first Christmas in our new home. And it has given us so much. We have so much to be grateful for. So, as I helped my children put up the Christmas tree this year, I saw it as a way to honour our home, and express our gratitude for all we have.
Around the same time, last year, I also attended a Quarrtsiluni session with a colleague who was generous enough to invite me to his event. Quarrtsiluni is the Inuit word for “sitting together in the darkness, quietly, waiting for something creative or important to occur.” And that is sort of what we did. A group of people came together to listen to poetry and music and to discover how each of us were interpreting what we were hearing, and what feelings, images, and insights the poetry and music provoked inside of us. I was blown away by just how much can come out of something as simple as listening to a poem, and allowing an open space to share whatever was coming up for you. I was also blown away by how we can create a sense of connection and community by allowing this space to unfold without judgment.
Since then, I have attended sound baths, and drumming circles, and discovered community, connection, and joy in these activities. I have learnt, in a deeper way, the value of intention, the value of an open heart, the value of simply being with others.
So, dear reader, I want to invite you this festive season – wherever you are, whatever this time of year looks like for you – can you open yourself up to stillness, gratitude, love, and magic? Will you allow yourself some rest? Will you allow yourself some stillness? Are you willing to sit in the darkness and wait quietly for something creative, magical, or important to occur?
So often as we wrap up another year, it’s all too easy to get caught up in end-of-year work deadlines, chaotic travel schedules, a whirlwind of parties, or last-minute shopping. It’s so easy to forget to slow down, and notice. It’s so easy to turn things that are meant to bring us joy into chores and things to simply “get through”. Will you give yourself permission to slow down to the speed of life so you can notice…? Notice the smile on someone’s face, or the sadness on another’s face. Notice the laughter of children, or the chill of the wind as you step outside. Notice the twinkling of Xmas lights at night, and the smell of hot coffee or hot chocolate. Notice the aroma of food coming from the kitchen. Notice the time and care someone took to pick out a gift and wrap it for you. Notice how much beauty there is right in front of you.
And if you are alone, and this time of year brings you pain, notice how your heart is still beating, and you are still alive. Notice how Life is holding you, even in the darkness. Notice how when you slow down to THIS moment right here, it’s a little easier to breathe, and perhaps to notice stars, snowflakes, rain drops, or sunsets.
Also, when your friends and family reach out to you during the holidays, showering you with presents or performing acts of kindness, make sure to go out of your way to express your gratitude. Be sure to not take them or the magic of this time for granted. Be sure to notice that you are loved. And a simple acknowledgement goes a long way in connecting deeply with someone. All of us are longing to feel seen and heard. All of us are longing for acknowledgment.
We don’t need more stuff. We need more connection. We don’t need expensive gifts and heaving tables of food. We need places where we are seen and where we feel we belong. We need meaningful conversation and meaningful touch. We need acknowledgement. Those gifts can sometimes last a lifetime.
In the spirit of this sentiment, I want to acknowledge each one of you. Thank you for being here and for being YOU. Thank you for showing up and being real. Thank you for your courage, openness, and willingness to grow and learn. Thank you for not giving up on YOU. I invite you to choose what you would like to experience during the last few days of 2024, and then go BE that. For me, it’s always loving presence, and this year, I have been intentional in including, stillness, joy, and gratitude as well. And it has been such a gift.