What’s the difference between self-improvement and self-growth?

Usually in January we hear a lot of talk about goals, dreams, aspirations, ways that we are going to be better and do better. This time of year tends to be a time when there is a heavy focus on self-improvement. Although, I will say that this year, I feel like the energy is different. I don’t know if it’s only on my side of the world, or whether you have experienced something similar? And I’m attributing it to all that is occurring in the world at the moment – wars, elections, wildfires. One colleague said what I was thinking. He said, “It feels like it’s the pandemic all over again…”

I will share that that is certainly where my fear-based mind went immediately, because I remember that there were these out-of-control wildfires in Australia at the beginning of 2020 just before the pandemic really hit. And if you are feeling less inspired and excited this January, I want to invite you to be gentle and compassionate with yourself. My sense is that in many ways, we are still recovering from the trauma of the pandemic, and that our nervous systems are constantly bombarded with more things to process. And it’s a lot. It really is.

And this is why I want to discuss the difference between self-improvement and self-growth. I don’t even want to call it self-development, because it feels like the wording is too similar.

So, what is the difference?

Self-improvement is defined as “the process of making positive changes in your life to enhance your quality of life. It can involve improving your health, relationships, career, knowledge, skills, character, or mindset.” What’s important to highlight here, is that self-improvement is all about making things better, fixing flaws, and enhancing performance. It’s about goal setting, cultivating new habits, learning new things, and persistently moving forward.

There are times when what we want, is self-improvement. If I want to run a marathon, I need to train and get fit enough to endure running long distances. If I want to become a public speaker, I might need speech coaching, and I would definitely need practice speaking in front of audiences to build my skill, get feedback, and over time become a better speaker. If I want to build a business, I will need to learn the skills of creating clients, working with money and budgets, etc. For each of these areas there might be skills I already have, skills I will need to learn, and skills I might want to get better at.

However, as I’ve mentioned in other articles, focusing solely on the outside, and on improving or bettering myself, is only part of the growth and evolution that is available to me. Self-improvement usually has an external focus, i.e., the focus is on accomplishing goals, and creating bigger and better things in my life. And there is nothing wrong with that. If, however, I only focus on the goals, and I’m not also looking at my relationship to self, then what happens when I don’t reach the goal? Or when I run out of things to accomplish?

Simon Sinek explains that we often make something like happiness or personal transformation the end goal, when actually it’s only the starting point. It’s a commitment to our own happiness and personal transformation, that sets us on the path to creating what we want, but happiness or transformation is not a place we can arrive at. When we seek greater fulfillment and happiness, we might be inspired to take the first step towards changing ourselves and our lives. But how do we sustain our commitment to the change we want over the long run? How do we treat ourselves during our low moments when things don’t go as planned, or we don’t reach the goal we have set for ourselves? I don’t know about you, but I don’t always achieve the goals I set for myself.

We have all made ourselves guilty of setting new year’s resolutions that we have not kept. We have all kicked-off a new year with fire, enthusiasm, and inspiration, only to lose steam three weeks later. On new year’s eve, I saw a joke that someone shared on social media. It read something along the lines of: “Let’s all gather round and share how we will shame and guilt ourselves into being fundamentally less awful people over the next 12 months”. I feel that accurately captures why so many people fail at their new year’s resolutions. When we try to guilt or shame ourselves into changing our habits and ways of being in the world, we are effectively setting ourselves up to fail.

And this is where self-growth / self-learning / self-evolution comes in. Self-growth is getting to know myself in deeper ways. It’s seeing myself, hearing myself, owning who I am and what’s true for me – including both strengths and weaknesses – and then authentically expressing myself. It’s the relationship I cultivate with myself. It’s best express in what I often say to my clients, “The issue is not the issue. How I relate to myself as I go through the issue, is the real issue.”

I can beat myself into submission. I can degrade and criticize myself. I can force myself to do things I don’t really want to do. And at some point, I will sabotage myself, because no-one likes to be forced to do something. We don’t even like it when we do it to ourselves. In my experience, no amount of force, punishment, or fear can sustain a deep commitment to change. That is simply not how a deep commitment to transformation works.

I’ve had many conversations with people who have asked for my insights on immigrating to a new country. And the one “pearl of wisdom” I always offer is, “Make sure you are not running away from something. Rather find something to run towards”. When you run away from something that isn’t working, or you are shaming our guilting your way into making a change, you might reach the goal, but it won’t bring you the happiness and contentment you seek. In fact, you might find that you are even more unhappy after achieving the goal.

You cannot change on the outside what is fundamentally a change that is required on the inside. You see the world the way you are. So, even when you change things on the outside, if you don’t evaluate your deepest held thoughts and beliefs, you might endlessly cycle through goals, pushing harder and harder whilst happiness and fulfillment continue to elude you. As I’ve said, it’s not a place to arrive at. The more we seek out happiness – especially in external things – the more it will elude us. You don’t find happiness, it finds you.

Punishing yourself for not reaching hard set goals by “immovable” deadlines, will not bring you more joy and fulfillment. You will find ways to sabotage your own efforts if this is how you are going about trying to reach your goals, because no-one likes to be forced into doing something, even when we are forcing ourselves. You are more likely to be successful when the choice to make a change is voluntary and when it is a declaration of self-love. That is when we are moving into the space of self-growth or self-evolution. We are essentially evolving the relationship we have with ourselves. We are essentially cultivating genuine respect for our own wisdom and divinity.

What I know to be true in the work I do, is that whenever someone is ready for a big change in their life, there is almost always also an opportunity for them to love themselves more. Reaching the goal is but one level of what is possible. The greater opportunity is who the person will become as they strive to reach the goal. Sometimes, in the process of striving for something that feels impossible, we become who we have longed to be, or who we have admired. Or we get to know ourselves better. We get to discover what we don’t like or want. We get to discover our own authentic truth. Sometimes, I don’t even have to reach the goal, to become a truer, more authentic version of myself. I simply need to be willing to be in the work.

So, dear reader, I want to invite you to consider not only your self-improvement goals for 2025, but also your self-growth goals for 2025. Who do you want to become this year? When you look back on 2025 one year from now, what will you be most proud of? What will you regret the most? What will be true of you? And what will no longer be true of you? Let me know.