Partnering with you Calendar: Schedule your Big Rocks first

A feature of our modern lifestyles is busyness. It’s become a marker of how successful and productive we are. If you aren’t busy, then you are obviously not productive and possibly also not very successful. We’ve bought into this false belief that success requires us to be busy all the time. Consequently, I have clients who tell my they feel guilty when they slow down, take a break, or don’t have something to do. And I must admit that I myself have at times felt that I need to be busy. I’m a dynamic person. I like to stay busy and I find it hard to relax, slow down, or do nothing.

I am productive and I do get a lot done, but it’s not because I stay busy just for the sake of being busy. It’s because I discovered a secret of time management years ago that servers me to this day. Once I started applying this secret to my life, I could never go back. It has freed me from a need to overschedule or overburden myself. When I schedule my time, I do it with conscious intention and clarity about what truly matters and what I WANT to be spending my time on. […]

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How to turn a limestone quarry into a lush garden

Last Summer, I took a trip with my family to Vancouver Island, British Columbia and we paid a visit to The Butchart Gardens. As stated on their website: “The Butchart Gardens is a must-see oasis over 100 years in the making”. And what a privilege it was to take in the beauty of this place that stands as a testament to what is possible when one has a grand vision. The story of The Butchart Gardens has some hidden life lessons and it is also one of the most interesting family business success stories rarely told… […]

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Getting to Know your Inner Critic

Imagine for a moment that you are a landlord, and you have a tenant who has been living on the upstairs floor of your house for as long as you can remember. The tenant is loud and opinionated, and has, on many occasions, kept you up at night. You’ve considered evicting them, but you always avoid confrontation instead. Besides, maybe the tenant is right. Maybe your demands are too much, or you are being unreasonable and inflexible. The tenant doesn’t contribute anything to the environment you share, and criticizes you anytime you try to make an improvement in your living conditions. They don’t even pay rent! In fact, it costs YOU to have them stay in your home. And yet you let them stay.

Now you might be thinking, “no way! I would never put up with that!” And yet you do! Sometimes for decades… […]

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Expanding your definition of Mindfulness

I recently read an article on Medium by Chloé Milne, where she shared how on a flight from Melbourne to Hong Kong, she lost faith in the practice of formal meditation to manage her anxiety. After trying to practice meditation and mindfulness for a couple of hours with simply no effect on how much anxiety she was experiencing during the flight, she replaced her meditation practice with a form of laughter therapy by watching a funny movie instead. In her article she shares the consequent insights she gained since that experience on the value of laughter as a way to quiet the incessant fear and anxiety she was experiencing, and to return to mindfulness.

Milne’s story got me thinking about the practice of mindfulness. It has been a buzzword for the last two decades, and although many people are actively seeking to be more mindful, or trying out different mindfulness practices, it’s almost as if we don’t really have a clear understanding of what mindfulness actually is. We tend to cling to very narrow definitions of the concept that lead us to believe that mindfulness can only be achieved through meditation, deep breathing exercises, practicing yoga, or journaling.

The problem with this narrow way of defining the practice of mindfulness, is that we can limit our range of experience or sometimes completely exclude ourselves from experiencing what mindfulness is. […]

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In pursuit of happiness

In his 2016 book Homo Deus, Yuval Noah Harari speculates about the different projects that humanity will be pursuing in the future, which will inevitably lead to the creation or evolution of the next genus homo, which he calls Homo Deus. Harari paints an accurate picture of future trends to come of which we are already seeing signs everywhere. Future projects of humanity include: overcoming death, creating artificial life and finding the answer to happiness. Thus, the pursuit of happiness is on most people’s agendas.

Given that the newest research findings by Martin Seligman, Peter Railton, Roy Baumeister and Chandra Sripada indicate that human beings are hard-wired to anticipate and plan for the future, we can understand why it is so difficult for people to focus only on the present, and why millions of people buy books on meditation and mindfulness in attempts to learn how to stay present and find that ever-elusive thing called happiness.

But have you ever wondered why happiness feels so elusive? And why we are hard-wired to keep looking for it? In fact, most people try to actively avoid anything that will detract from their happiness. We have difficulty being with difficult emotions and we often pursue various forms of stimulation and entertainment in our desperate search for happiness… […]

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Contemplating Death

I recently read The Untethered Soul by Michael A. Singer, and in the penultimate chapter he encourages the reader to contemplate death. I found this suggested practice aligned with the Stoic practice of negative visualisation which involves imagining what life would be like without the people or things you love in an attempt to help you appreciate what you have more. We tend to take the people closest to us for granted, and we tend to ignore the simple yet profound things in our life that actually make our lives worth living. […]

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Let go of finding your passion: Rather aim to develop your interests

When it comes to choosing a career or making a career transition, many career experts and graduation commencement speakers offer the advice that you should “find your passion”. Most people today find themselves stuck in lives and careers not of their own making. Sometimes out of desperation, and perhaps also with some hope for something better, they absorb messages proclaimed by books like the 4-hour work week. They then believe that if they could only discover their passion and find the right formula for living and working, they could live happy and productive lives and pursue meaningful jobs that ignite a fire in their bellies. However, once they start down that path, they soon discover that the Utopia that was promised is not within their reach. Thought-provoking articles like the one by Penelope Trunk entitled “5 Time management tricks I learned from years of hating Tim Ferriss” forces us to think again about the “truths” espoused by all these promises of passion and productivity. […]

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Chasing Dandelions

It’s so easy to look at a situation and see the problem. In fact, we are conditioned to look for problems and people are often also paid handsomely to solve problems. There are psychologists who reason that problem-solving is a critical survival skill. We anticipate problems, so we can deal with them before they threaten our survival. Problem-solving is at the core of human evolution. It is how we understand what is happening in our environment, identify things we want to change, and then figure out the things that need to be done to create the desired outcome. It could also be argued that problem-solving is the source of all new inventions, and the basis for market-based economies.

However, always looking for a problem, could also detract from our ability to see what’s good about a situation. It could rob us of our present-moment awareness and detract from our overall level of joy. I’m not saying we should let go of our desire to solve problems. However, I am advocating for a different perspective when we are looking for solutions. It’s as if we have been conditioned into problem-solving mode so much, that we now see everything as a problem – even people. […]

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The secret behind greatness

Anyone who has ever watched a great athlete, artist or musician perform, would know why we become awestruck with our heroes. They make complicated movements and actions seem effortless. When they are moving or doing the thing they love, they are in flow and it is beautiful to watch. This is one of the reasons that talent reality shows like America’s Got Talent, or The X Factor or Idols are so popular. However, there is a downside to these television shows. The problem is that they overemphasise talent at the expense of other factors that lead to success and they perpetuate the myth that excellence or greatness is mystical. However, as discussed in a previous blog post on grit, success depends on more than just talent or capability. […]

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Without grit, talent remains unmet potential

You attend your high school reunion and catch up with your friends from high school that you haven’t seen in years. While comparing career accomplishments, you are shocked to learn that the kid from school with the genius IQ, the one all the teachers thought would be spectacularly successful, has struggled with his career. How can this be you wonder? This was the person everyone thought would invent something that would change the world.

It turns out that intelligence might not be the best indicator of future success. According to psychologist Angela Duckworth, the secret to outstanding achievement isn’t talent. Instead, it’s a special blend of persistence or perseverance and passion that she calls “grit.” […]

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