Partnering with you Calendar: Schedule your Big Rocks first

A feature of our modern lifestyles is busyness. It’s become a marker of how successful and productive we are. If you aren’t busy, then you are obviously not productive and possibly also not very successful. We’ve bought into this false belief that success requires us to be busy all the time. Consequently, I have clients who tell my they feel guilty when they slow down, take a break, or don’t have something to do. And I must admit that I myself have at times felt that I need to be busy. I’m a dynamic person. I like to stay busy and I find it hard to relax, slow down, or do nothing.

I am productive and I do get a lot done, but it’s not because I stay busy just for the sake of being busy. It’s because I discovered a secret of time management years ago that servers me to this day. Once I started applying this secret to my life, I could never go back. It has freed me from a need to overschedule or overburden myself. When I schedule my time, I do it with conscious intention and clarity about what truly matters and what I WANT to be spending my time on.

I’ve shared this secret with my clients, and I want to share it with you. It’s the secret of Big Rocks as Stephen Covey, the teacher of this secret, would call it. Years ago, Stephen Covey and Hyrum Smith partnered together to teach people about how to manage their time better and reduce their stress. They described how most of us try to get things done – we have to-do-lists, and we keep diaries or online calendars where we schedule everything that we need to get done. Then we race around like headless chickens trying to get it all done.

It’s no surprise that most people then experience a tremendous sense of overwhelm and it’s even less of a surprise how many people in corporate or executive jobs end up with burnout. The constant stress and overscheduling of our time take a toll on our overall wellbeing. It affects our mental and emotional wellbeing. It’s mentally exhausting to keep juggling all those balls, and the sheer strain of trying to stay in control, can make you feel like you might be losing your mind. I hear from clients that they start yelling at their kids, or that they feel like they simply want to hide away so no-one can find them, because they can’t take it anymore.

And then of course there is the tremendous toll all this stress takes on your physical health. Running on adrenaline all the time is not healthy for any body. When faced with a full calendar all the time, most of us opt to cut out sleep and leisure to get it all done. However, sleep and leisure – time out to regenerate – are exactly what we need when we start burning out from overdoing it. And then when it all becomes too much, you start wondering what’s it all for?

Have you ever looked at you calendar and considered who you are doing all the things in your calendar for? You might say, “of course I do it for myself. I have work. I have a career. I have a family and obligations. I want to succeed”. I get all of that, but if you looked at your calendar – really looked at it – how many of the things on there serve you, and how many of them actually sabotage your efforts? You see, the problem is that most of us become slaves to our calendar. Our calendar starts dictating what we should be doing with our time.

One of my clients described it so beautifully. She said she often feels like she is in this bubble of creativity, flowing through her day, and suddenly her bubble bursts when she collides with her calendar. Her calendar pops her bubble and “brings her back to reality with a thud”. So, she actively resists using her calendar or making solid commitments. She prefers to remain “flexible” out of fear that she might get locked into the prison of overscheduling.

Ironically, her resistance to using her calendar didn’t stop the sense of overwhelm she was experiencing, and didn’t actually provide her with the freedom she desired. And so many of us make this mistake. We think that having a routine or a schedule means we are locked in and we won’t have any freedom or flexibility. The truth is actually counterintuitive. Your schedule IS your answer to the freedom you seek, IF you know the secret of the big rocks.

Big Rocks

Covey and Smith explain that the things we keep ourselves busy with can be divided into different categories based on their level of importance in our lives. They do a beautiful live group demonstration of this with a glass jar and some rocks. In a recording of a group training session on time and stress management, they call a volunteer to the front of the room and present them with a glass jar and some rocks of different shapes and sizes. There are big rocks, medium size rocks, smaller rocks, some pebbles and sand. The volunteer is then tasked with filling the jar with all the rocks, pebbles and sand.

They then explain that if you start with the sand and pebbles, you will find that you are unable to fit all the rocks – especially the big rocks – into the jar. And this is exactly how many of us go about scheduling/managing our time. We schedule all activities as if they are of equal importance. And even worse, we allow others to fill our calendar with the things they deem important.

However, if you fill the jar with the big rocks first, then the medium sized rocks, then the smaller rocks, you will find you might even fit the pebbles and the sand in. The secret is to put the big rocks in first.

So, when it comes to our schedules and calendars, what are the big rocks? How do I know what my big rocks are? Covey says it requires taking a step back and figuring out what your values are. Your big rocks represent those activities that align with your core life values and that will serve your most important life goals.

Unfortunately, our big rocks are often the things we tend to neglect, until they break apart – i.e. our health, our family relationships and friendships, our own personal growth learning and development, our financial independence etc. Investing in our physical health provides us with the sustained energy we need to stay productive and do the things we need to do. Investing in relationships means that we have a sense of love and belonging, we have support on our biggest goals, and we have someone to share this life with. Spending time on learning new things and cultivating our own skills, means we stay agile and relevant and we can keep moving forward in an ever-changing world. Learning how to manage our finances and investing wisely, ensures we are financially secure in the long run.

We all know these things are important. We all know the value of investing in our health, relationships, personal development, and finances, and yet, we don’t take the time to invest in them. Why is that? Additionally, people who know what they are good at and who spend most of their time on the things that they know bring them the most joy and satisfaction, live happier and more successful lives. Some of us get stuck in running around, trying to “find our passion” and feeling like we need to look busy, lest people think we are unsuccessful.

Ironically, if you took the time to really slow down, and pay attention to what you spend time on – really noticed your energy when you engage in certain activities, you might discover what you want to do, faster. Often, we need to slow down and spend the time to speed up. Investing time in our interests, and in learning new skills translates into more joyful, productive, and satisfactory work. But how many of us are willing to slow down enough to do that? My clients tell me that they cannot afford to slow down. They are busy. Things will fall apart. And then I tell them that they effectively choose the life of unhappy busyness they are currently living. If you want things to be different, you must be willing to stop and take the time to figure out what your big rocks are.

Once you know what your big rocks are, your calendar becomes your best friend – or as I told my client who resented her calendar, what if you calendar could be your dreaming partner? What do I mean by that? What if your calendar could help you realise your biggest dreams?

I believe that your calendar should reflect what you value most in life. When people look at your calendar, they should see what’s most important to you and how they will know what’s most important to you, is those activities – your big rocks – will get priority in your schedule. Big rocks are scheduled first, before anything else and they are non-negotiable. In fact, when things get really busy, and you don’t have time to get everything done, you want to focus on spending time on the big rocks. If you did your big rocks for the day, it doesn’t matter if you didn’t get to the smaller rocks and pebbles. They are of no consequence, because by focusing on your big rocks, you are actively creating the life that you want.

When you spend your time on your big rocks, you feel less guilty and less overwhelmed, because you have clarity on what brings you the most value and joy. You also learn how to respectfully push back on infringements to your calendar, because you can firmly decline scheduling invitations that run into the time you have set aside for your big rocks. In other words, you get to say “no thank you” to the sand.

The reality is that if you are not taking charge of your calendar and prioritising your big rocks, you are giving others permission to schedule your life for you. So, your unwillingness to look at your own priorities, means you become a prisoner of other people’s priorities. When you use your calendar as your dreaming partner, you free up time in your life and consequently have more freedom to do the things you want to do than people who are slaves to their calendar.

So, I want to invite you to identify your big rocks and to start using your calendar for the purpose it was intended – i.e. to help you plan and navigate YOUR most important priorities.

For those of you who find administration and scheduling a complete bore, you could take it one step further and turn your calendar into a sassy, naughty reminder of what’s most important to you. My client applied this in the most delightful way. And you know she’s having fun when you see items such as “oiling my machine”, “spending time with my Birdie” and “reclaiming pussy” in her calendar.

References:

1. Franklin Covey. Choice 3: Schedule the big rocks, don’t sort the gravel. A
2. Smith, H. W. (1995). 10 Natural Laws of Successful Time and Life Management: Proven strategies for increased productivity and inner peace. New York: Warner Books.