“Sometimes the hardest pieces of a puzzle to assemble, are the ones missing from the box,” – Dixie Waters
“You are the piece of the puzzle of someone else’s life. You may never know where you fit, but others will fill the hole in their lives with pieces of you.” – Bonnie Abon
“Life is a puzzle, and we are all unique pieces. When you lie, you make it impossible to find your true place in the grand design.” – Steve Maraboli.
How many times have you heard the cliché, “you’re unique” and just rolled your eyes? From my perspective, it seems as if people have taken this idea of uniqueness to such an extreme that it has lost its true meaning. The truth is that you are unique. However, how that is often interpreted, is that you are special or different from others in a way that is meant to have you stand out from others. And that is not entirely accurate.
You see we all share certain common traits as human beings. We are all mammals. We are all social animals seeking belonging. We are all meaning seekers and meaning makers. We all experience emotions. We are all capable of critical thought and of creativity. There are certain things that we have in common with other people because we are all human.
That being said, you are still unique in the sense that there is only ONE human like YOU. There is only ONE of you, with your individual thoughts, feelings, history, beliefs, actions, and values in this world. You might share beliefs and values with others, but you will still express your beliefs and values differently from those who share your beliefs and values. You might have the same skill set or job title as another person, and yet you will both give expression to the job or the skill in a different way by the mere fact that you are not the same person. You might also fall in love and care for others just like other people do, but you won’t love the same people, or create the same families. You are different. Not special. Just different.
And that makes all the difference.
The metaphor that best describes this, is that of a puzzle. In a puzzle all the pieces are similar – i.e., they are made of paperboard, and they have pieces of an enlarged photograph or printed reproduction of a painting or other two-dimensional artwork on them. Yet, every single puzzle piece is different, because every puzzle piece has a different shape and/or a different part of the final image on it.
No puzzle can ever be completed without all the pieces. If one of the pieces decides that it is insignificant or unimportant and walks away, the puzzle will remain incomplete. And no single piece can ever be more important than another piece, because each piece has its function and its place in the puzzle.
So, dear reader, you are unique in this way. You are part of the puzzle of life. You have a role to play in the story of life. You have a place that is just yours. No-one else can fill that place and if you choose not to fill it, then the puzzle will remain incomplete, because no other piece can take your spot.
In a conversation with a client the other day, I asked him why he loved his wife. He went on to share all the qualities that make her who she is – e.g., she is smart, kind, caring, loving, and supportive. She encourages him to be a better version of himself, etc. I observed that there are many people who could be described that way, i.e., smart, kind, caring, loving, supportive. So, I offered that it would be easy to replace his wife with someone else that has similar traits.
He got very upset at the idea. He said it wouldn’t be the same. And he said, “well they wouldn’t be her.” And he is right, others might share similar traits, but they would still not be his wife, the person he has come to know and love deeply. They would essentially be a different expression of those traits.
While he was still chewing on my last observation, I dropped the next bomb. “The same is true for you. There is no-one in the world like you. You as you are, matter, because there are people in YOUR world who also believe that you are not replaceable.”
Another client of mine shared with me on email that in a conversation with someone the person observed that he wished he could create more copies of her. She said that made her feel valuable and she realised that even just one of her is enough, because she can make a difference.
I offered a different perspective. I explained that she is valuable precisely BECAUSE there is only ONE person like her in the world and BECAUSE she cannot be copied or duplicated.
I shared with her the story of the British One-Cent Magenta postage stamp. The One-Cent Magenta is the most valuable postage stamp in the world. It was auctioned in 2015 for $ 9.5 million. There is a legend that Arthur Hind (a seal collector) thought he owned the last One-Cent Magenta. When he found out there was another one, he bought the second one and burned it. When someone asked him why he burned the second one, he said, to make the last one in the world more sought after.
If there is only ONE of those rare stamps in the world, it suddenly becomes more valuable, because there isn’t another one just like it. The same is true of you. There is no-one else in the world like you. You are the ONLY one of your kind. So, who you are in the world is invaluable. When you leave this world, there will always be a place in this world that can not be filled, because only YOU can take up the space that was intended for you.
Your place in the puzzle of life can only be filled by YOU. So many of us shy away from taking up our space on the puzzle board. We hide away or play small, or think we must make space for others, not realising that there is already a space that is just theirs and a space that is just ours. You cannot take up anyone else’s space, just like they cannot take up yours. And we each have a role to play in the puzzle of life, otherwise the picture will never be complete.
In their beautiful book, The Go-Giver, Bob Burg and John David Mann share the five laws of stratospheric success. The fourth law is The Law of Authenticity, and they describe this law as follows: “The most valuable gift you have to offer is yourself. Be Real. Be comfortable bringing YOUR best authentic self to the table, and continue doing that by learning, growing, and improving continually.”
The most valuable gift you have to offer is yourself. Not money, not knowledge, not talent, not how you look, or how kind and generous you are, or how much you do for others, but WHO you ARE. When you are most authentic, most real, most yourself, you give the world a gift; the gift of YOU.
That doesn’t make you special, or unique, or better than anyone else. It simply means you are taking up the space on the board that is meant for you, and you are participating in life as an equal partner in the game of life. So, I invite you to change your understanding of what it means to be unique and to embrace your uniqueness in this world. We all need you to take up space on the board.
References:
- Burg, B. & Mann, J. D. (2015). The Go-Giver: A Little Story About a Powerful Business Idea. New York: Portfolio/Penguin.
- Palmer, A. (2015). The remarkable story of the world’s rarest stamp. Smithsonian Magazine. June 2015. Available online at: https://www.smithsonianmag.com/smithsonian-institution/remarkable-story-worlds-rarest-stamp-180955412/