How to be ambitious in a way that leads to fulfillment in life and work

Dave Eggers is right when he says we live in a time of abundance. It might not feel like it, given that we find ourselves in the middle of a global pandemic. However, on average – even compared with previous pandemics in history – more than ever before in history, most of us find ourselves in a place and time of luxury and abundance.

Of course, there are still places in the world where people face hunger, deprivation, and war. However, if you are reading this, I’m assuming you are one of the fortunate ones. You get to live in this time and place, in this world of abundance and opportunity. And as Eggers says, this is something rare and wonderful; historically unprecedented. And for this reason, we are called to do something extraordinary. We must. It would be absurd not to use this opportunity.

So, I want to talk to you about ambition. The dictionary defines ambition as “a strong desire to do or to achieve something, typically requiring determination and hard work.” In a workshop with Michael Bungay Stanier recently, he said, “we unlock our greatness by working on the hard stuff.” So, it’s when we work hard on something that matters – i.e., when we are deeply ambitious – that we unlock our greatness or have a real impact.

Bungay Stanier believes that when you set a goal, you should also ask how it will matter? Who will benefit if you achieve the goal? How will you achieving the goal change the world? How will you leave the world a little better than you found it? What he is talking about, is an ambitious goal. A goal that is bigger than just reaching a deadline or acquiring a new level of performance. It’s a goal that inspires – a calling or a mission if you will.

Characteristics of a truly ambitious goal

According to Bungay Stanier, there are three important characteristics to a worthy goal, a truly ambitious goal. Firstly, it’s thrilling; it excites you. It lights you up and speaks to your core values – i.e., who you want to be in the world.

A thrilling goal challenges or counteracts something we do simply out of a sense of obligation. When you do something out of obligation, you feel you must do it. It’s expected of you. A thrilling goal on the other hand, is something you really WANT to do. It feels exciting and rewarding to you personally. You feel energised by it, and you are internally motivated to achieve the goal. You are not working towards it because society expects you to. You are working towards it, because the goal itself inspires you. It speaks to what matters most to you in the world.

The second characteristic of a truly ambitious goal is that it’s important to you and perhaps even to others in your world. It’s how you believe you could put your strengths to good use or how you could give back to the world. In a world of abundance, we are called to serve. We are called to use our strengths and unique talents for good in the world. We are called to give more back than what we take from the world.

These first two characteristics ensure that your goal is “worthy” as Bungay Stanier puts it, because it invites you to set a goal that is both thrilling or exciting to you, and has a positive impact on people or the world.

However, what I’ve discovered in conversation with people, is that it’s more important to select something that is thrilling or exciting to you personally than to focus on the importance of the particular goal. See, if the goal does not speak to you personally, you will not have the motivation to see it through to the end. A beautiful quote by Howard Thurman sums it up adequately: “Don’t ask yourself what the world needs. Ask yourself what makes you come alive, and go do that. Because what the world needs is people who have come alive.”

You see our inspiration to do great things does not come from others or from the world outside of us. It comes from within. You see the world the way you are. When you feel grateful and inspired, and you are coming from a place of love, you will automatically choose a goal that will serve others too, even if you did not ask the question, “How will this impact the world, or make the world a better place?”

When you are stuck in a place of scarcity, and all you can see is what’s wrong with the world, you will be motivated by external forces to change it, and you might not have the motivation to sustain your efforts in reaching the goal.

Ron and Mary Hulnick, in their book, Loyalty to Your Soul, postulate that it’s not your job to “fix the world” or to “save the world”. Instead, it’s your job to learn how to love yourself and others whilst you are living in this world. The world is like a school of life, and you are here to learn. And how you learn and grow, is you show up with love and you bring your whole self to something you care about. That is how you change the world. You change yourself first. When you change and you show up with more gratitude and love, you inspire and give others permission to do the same. Thus, it’s an inside out approach to transformation and impact.

A story from my own life will serve to illustrate. All my life I’ve believed that learning changes lives. Through self-driven learning, I broke the bonds of poverty and ignorance and built a life of significance and service. Learning and growing changed my life. And I then wanted to make it my mission to give everyone I meet that gift, since it had such a profound impact on me.

How I originally served the world and this important goal in my life, was through teaching in higher education. And I used to tell myself that my work mattered, because through my teaching I was helping to create a future I might not even get to see. I was shaping the young minds of today to become the leaders of the future. This belief inspired me to keep going and to continue to find ways to get students engaged and excited about learning.

I had colleagues who shared my vision. And I also had colleagues who did not necessarily see what they did as so important. They saw it as just another job or irritation. Their work did not ignite in them the desire to really truly make a difference.

Note that I’m not sharing this story from a place of judgment but to illustrate my point. It was what was going on inside of me, that inspired me to teach. It was because education had transformed MY life so profoundly that I believed in the power of education, and that I felt called to do the work I was doing. For those who derived their joy and inspiration from something else, teaching was simply a job, not a life mission.

It was only years later after I had left academia and after a series of conversations with my coach that I started to appreciate that it’s not WHAT you do, but HOW you do it that makes all the difference. There are no jobs that are more important than others, even though we might like to think so.

I continue to teach. I have never stopped, because it’s simply what I do. I’ve done it since I can remember. I used to teach even when I was just a little girl. I have always been in deep reverence of books and in wonder of not just knowledge but real insight, awareness, and understanding. I have just discovered that there are a multitude of ways that I can honour this calling in the world. It doesn’t have to be in formal education, and it doesn’t have to be through instruction.

You see, we like to tell ourselves that certain jobs are more important. The person who runs the company is more important than the person sweeping the floors and making the coffee. Or doctors, nurses, and teachers do work that matter and the rest of us work to make money. And yet, I’ve seen people in these “worthy” professions simply going through the motions, completely disengaged from the deemed “importance” of what they are doing. I’ve also seen people deeply committed to serving in these professions; to bringing all of themselves to what they do, and to continue to grow and learn through how they serve in their work.

I’ve also seen people in jobs that we might consider not that important, who bring so much joy, inspiration, love, and commitment to what they do, and who truly inspire those around them by who they are being, and that gives depth to what they do.

Two striking examples come to mind for me. At our local bakery there works a guy selling bread. I’m guessing that most people would argue that selling bread is not that important. And yet, this guy is the highlight of my day. Whenever I go to the bakery to buy bread, I hope he serves me. He is so joyful, energetic, enthusiastic, and attentive. He really pays attention and goes the extra mile to provide a memorable experience. It’s all in the way that he shows up to his job. He does it as if it’s the most important work in the world. And for the few moments that I interact with him, I also feel like he is doing a fundamentally important job in the world. I always leave with a smile on my face after having interacted with him, and I’ve seen customer after customer leaving with a smile and a skip in their step.

Then there is this incredible woman whom I used to go to for a monthly facial and pedicure when I still lived in South Africa. She is one of the brightest, most observant human beings I’ve ever met. She listens deeply to people. She makes you feel seen and taken care of. For her, her work is not just a job, it’s a passion. She has shared with me how she attends workshops to refine her technique, to learn new skills, and to stay up to date with the latest in skin care technology and health and wellbeing.

Her work is also her way of life. She practices what she preaches. She would give me one look as I walked through the door and then she would say to me, “you are not drinking enough water”, and she would be right. She was that observant. I know that she has impacted so many people’s lives. Every person who has ever had the tremendous gift of being under her skilful hands would leave changed forever. Here I am four years later, still thinking about her and about how much I valued her gifts in my life. I miss our conversations and I truly appreciated feeling cared for so deeply by someone.

So, even if you don’t have a clear answer to how the thing you want to do is important to others, it matters that it’s important to YOU, because your aliveness, your commitment, your love, your willingness, is what will inspire others in the end. How you show up to what you do will ultimately determine the impact you have in the world, NOT the goal you write down on paper about how you are supposed to impact the world and make it a better place.

You see, you make the world a better place, by being here, by being fully yourself, and by sharing your gifts. Holding back from sharing your gifts with the world is probably one of the most selfish things you could do. So, don’t be selfish, find the thing that makes you come alive and share your gifts.

Don’t worry too much about whether it’s “making a difference” or “having an impact”. You will never really know your own impact, because you won’t be around to hear what people remember about you when you are no longer on this earth. For me, I want to ensure that – at the very least – I’m living in a way that will have people say one day, “She never held back. She always showed up fully.” – or whatever their version of that would be…

The third characteristic that Bungay Stanier suggests an ambitious or worthy goal should have, is that it should be daunting. A worthy goal takes you to the edge of yourself. It takes you to the edge of your competence and confidence. It truly challenges you to grow, stretch, and learn. It’s the kind of goal that requires that you need to change in the process of pursuing the goal. You will learn and grow and transform. Thus, it’s a goal that shapes you in becoming the person you want to be.

And again, we are back to Howard Thurman’s quote. Choose something that makes YOU come alive. When you come alive to your own sense of purpose and inspiration in this world, you show up fully, you are willing to take risks and to fail. You choose to work at something that is not easy, and that forces you to really look at yourself and the person you are, and who you want to be in the world. As you change, you start to see the world differently, and tings on the outside start to shift too.

Bungay Stanier says a great way to gauge if your goal is daunting enough is if you know how to start it, but you don’t know how to finish it. In other words, you can see the first step in front of you. You know what you need to start doing differently, or how you need to change for you to reach this goal, but you don’t know where this goal is going to take you. It’s uncertain where you will end up or what the final destination will look like.

This is important. You see, you don’t need to know every step or where you will end up to get started. You simply need to resonate with the sense of urgency to get started. This is where life will meet you. When you say yes to working towards something that is thrilling, important, and daunting, life will bring you the opportunities you seek to accomplish the goal. The catch is, you need to remain open and curious as you work towards this goal, because you don’t know where it will take you and what might become important along the way. Only time and experience will tell.

Myths about worthy goals

Two important myths about thrilling, important, and daunting goals that I need to dispel here, are that it must be a goal that can be achieved in your work life and if the goal doesn’t impact masses of people, it’s not worthy.

That the only worthy goals are work-related goals is simply not true. Most of us tend to lean towards work to find our sense of purpose and meaning in the world. Of course, that causes huge frustration for those who are not in jobs that bring them joy and sense of meaning or purpose.

My encouragement is that when you are deciding on a worthy goal, that you do it whilst keeping in mind the larger context of your life. Take work off its pre-designated pedestal and simply put it next to every other dimension in your life. You are not your work. You are a multi-dimensional being and you fulfill different roles in your life. You get to decide which roles are most important to you personally.

Perhaps your current job is merely a steppingstone towards something bigger, or perhaps your job helps you earn the income you need to pursue the things outside of work that truly fill you up. There isn’t just one right way to do life. And ultimately, it’s always your choice. If your work is the place where you WANT to be having the biggest impact, that’s great. And if not, that’s great too. Then decide where it is at for you.

I have a friend whose biggest dream was motherhood, and she has excelled at that role in her life. She is one of the most dedicated and attentive mothers I’ve ever met. She derives tremendous joy from spending time with her children and it was her choice not to pursue a career. She is in no way less successful than someone who has built a thriving career, because what she has poured her heart and soul into has been deeply meaningful to her and has given her joy and fulfillment.

Something else to be mindful of here, is that you can have more than one worthy and audacious goal in your life. My encouragement would be to stack them though, and focus your energy and attention on one at a time, instead of trying to take on too much at once.

Also, a pattern of behaviour that is playing out in one area of your life, also plays out in other areas of your life, so pursuing a goal that makes you feel alive and fulfilled will spill over into other areas of your life. You might generate some positive results in other areas too, even if you are not deliberately focusing on those areas.

There is a deeper invitation here, to step back and take a larger view of your life or to “begin with the end in mind” like Stephen Covey used to say. Figure out who you want to be in every area of your life or how you want to show up in every role in your life that is important to you, and set a worthy goal that aligns with becoming that person.

The second myth is that a goal that doesn’t impact the masses is not a worthy goal. We live in a world that tends to place normal humans on pedestals and turn them into “heroes”. And yet, even the wealthy and famous put their pants on one leg at a time. Just because someone is hugely successful in one area of their life, it doesn’t mean that they are successful in every area of their life AND – even more importantly – it doesn’t mean that they feel fulfilled.

So, instead of comparing yourself with someone who you’ve place on a pedestal based on what you’ve observed of their life on the outside, rather spend time comparing yourself to who you used to be. How have you changed? And who do you want to become?

If you think about the people in your life who have had the biggest impact on you, I’d bet that most of them are not famous. They might be ordinary people, living ordinary lives, but how they made you feel about yourself, made all the difference in you having the courage to take on big things in your own life. It takes ONE person to believe in you or hold space for you. And that’s it. Without that person in your life, you might never have taken that step forward. They have had an impact in the world without even knowing it.

My children often remind me of this. Our children don’t care if we are famous or successful. They simply want to be with us. So, if you are a parent, your worthy goal might be to raise beautiful, inspiring humans. Or to have a meaningful relationship with your adult child one day.  

There is no “right way” to pick a worthy goal that is thrilling, important and daunting. There is only YOUR way. So, will you dare to dream and lean into that goal?

References:

1. Bungay Stanier, M. (2022). How to begin: Start doing something that matters.
2. Hulnick, H. R. & Hulnick M. R. (2011). Loyalty to your soul: The heart of Spiritual Psychology.