“In the depth of winter, I finally learned that within me there lay an invincible summer.” ― Albert Camus
“Spring passes and one remembers one’s innocence.
Summer passes and one remembers one’s exuberance.
Autumn passes and one remembers one’s reverence.
Winter passes and one remembers one’s perseverance.”
― Yoko Ono
When I was living in the Southern hemisphere, I used to love this time of year, because it was the start of Spring. We had the warm months of Summer to look forward to and I also loved that I got to celebrate my birthday in Springtime. Spring is my absolute favourite season. It’s the season or rebirth and renewal. It’s the season of hope and prosperity. There are so many vibrant colours. Everything is green and flowers are blooming everywhere. And we get to throw off the warm blankets and thick jackets and venture outside and soak up the sun.
Now that I live in the Northern hemisphere, the change of seasons is different. It’s a signal to start slowing down. In some ways, there is also a rebirth happening, but it’s the rebirth into slower and calmer, into preparing for Winter and what that will bring. In Canada, this time of year is still filled with beautiful colours. They are simply different. The greens and bright colours start to fade and there is a deepening of rustic colours – reds, oranges, browns.
There is a maple tree in front of our house. I love to watch it change as the seasons change. This time of year, the green leaves start turning deep red and bright orange. It’s as if the tree is on fire. On a windy day, the red leaves appear like flickering flames in front of my window. I sit and stare at the deep colours, mesmerised at the passage of life in front of my eyes.
Given all that has transpired over the last few months, one could easily start falling into melancholy at the first signs of Winter. And as I’ve shared in other posts, living in Canada has made me realise that seasonal affective disorder (SAD), is in fact a very real thing. For this reason, I stay alert to my own state of mind this time of year. I notice the subtle shifts I experience as the seasons start to change.
Just as seasons change, our moods and emotions fluctuate. A state of perfect happiness is not sustainable or realistic. Life ebbs and flows, and I want to be open to all my emotions. You see, emotions are merely data points. They tell us what is going on. So, even when we find ourselves in a state of sadness or melancholy, that is not bad. It simply is. The invitation is to lean into whatever you’re feeling and ask yourself what’s going on that is causing that emotion?
Given everything that is going on in the world – especially of late – it is fairly easy to become negative, despondent, sad, even angry. And yet, when we treat our feelings as facts, we allow outside factors to dictate how we feel on the inside.
The real challenge is to remain in a state of equilibrium regardless of what is happening in the outside world; to choose our response to life, even though there might be reasons to feel unhappy, frustrated, angry, and so on.
This does not mean that you bury your real emotions or that you operate under a façade of forced positivity. Forcing yourself to be positive when you are not feeling positive can be toxic.
No, what it means is that you show up for yourself with courage, curiosity and self-compassion as Susan David would say.
Most of us fall into the trap of labelling our emotions as either good or bad. Emotions are neither good nor bad. They simply are. They are signposts along the way. They tell us what we need to pay attention to. The so-called “positive” emotions tell us that we are on the right track or aligned with our true intentions or values. The so-called “negative” emotions tell us that we are misaligned or that some other area in our life requires our attention.
Most of us want to ignore or avoid the uncomfortable feelings we experience. We suppress them and try to ignore them. And yet they are there to serve us. They way around the discomfort, is leaning into it; it’s moving through those uncomfortable emotions by being honest with yourself about what you are really feeling and the story you are telling yourself that is creating those feelings.
Why would you want to move through the uncomfortable emotions? For two reasons really. Firstly, what we resist persists. So, if you try to ignore how you feel, or you try to suppress it, it will just keep popping up in other areas of your life or in unexpected situations. It eventually becomes the imagined monster in the closet that you are afraid to look at.
Secondly, we can only create from a place of resonance. Your emotions either make you feel high or low. And you cannot find a solution or create something new when you are lower down on the ladder of emotion. When you are feeling sad, depressed, angry, despondent, frustrated, defeated, lonely, lost, stuck, it’s very difficult to find your way out of that and to create what you want. These emotions vibrate at a lower frequency and don’t allow you to access your higher self.
Yet, they are there for a good reason. They are messengers. So, embrace them as such and ask yourself, “what am I avoiding? What don’t I want to look at in myself? What don’t I want to admit to myself? What’s the fear?”
Once you release the negative energy of those emotions – which can be challenging at times – you can move to a place of resolution. You can move higher up the emotional ladder into feelings of inspiration, creativity, joy, energy, enthusiasm, love, compassion etc.
If you tend to think that joy, inspiration, creativity, enthusiasm, and passion are prerequisites for getting started, you might wait to feel more inspired, joyful, creative, enthusiastic, or passionate. And here is the truth, you will continue to wait, because you might never feel differently. Ask any writer who has struggled with writer’s block. The answer to moving past the block, is not to wait until you feel inspired. In fact, most of the time, waiting for inspiration, IS what caused the block in the first place. No, the real answer is to start writing. Simply start writing. Anything. It doesn’t even have to be good. You simply need to get started on the smallest unit of action you can think of and go from there.
The way to break the writer’s block is to start writing. To lean into the discomfort of feeling uninspired and write any way. To allow your writing to be bad. Terrible. And to keep going anyway. To write until something starts making sense again. Because it will.
The more you take conscious action towards what you want to create, the more you CREATE the feelings of inspiration, joy, abundance, passion, enthusiasm you are after. Those feelings are not a prerequisite to getting started. They are the result of taking action in your life even when you are not feeling any of those things yet.
Does that mean I have to fake it, you might ask? No. My invitation is to be with your real emotions. Accept what you are feeling as valid. Allow yourself whatever you are feeling AND keep in mind that feelings are not facts. They are simply indicators of our inner emotional state. And feelings are fleeting. They come and go. Just like the seasons.
Every season serves a purpose. Every season is beautiful in its own way. Similarly, every emotion serves a purpose. Every emotion is beautiful in its own way. Every emotion is worth allowing space for. Emotions are part of the human experience. Why would you want to rob yourself of the full range of human experiences that are available to you? Isn’t living about having different types of experiences?
It’s like when you’ve been sitting cross-legged for too long and you have pins and needles in your legs. The answer is not to continue to sit and wait for the pins and needles to dissipate. No, the pins and needles are urging you to get up to restore blood flow and oxygen to your leg muscles. The pins and needles are pressing on you (pun intended) to get up and MOVE. And even though it might be painful to get up at first, the pain soon dissipates as soon as you start moving. The pins and needles leave as soon as they are no longer needed.
When you look at your “negative” emotions in the same way as the pins and needles in your legs, you realise that they are there to get you to get up and MOVE. Get out of your own way. Take the first painful step. And once the message has been received, the emotion leaves you too. And you create space for other emotions to arise. The so-called “positive” emotions again bring you new messages. They are telling you to keep going. That you are moving in the right direction. That’s it. Message received. So, continue to take one step at a time.
References:
- Breytenbach, C. (2021). Embracing the Winter of the Mind. Available online at: https://chantalbreytenbach.com/embracing_the_winter_of_the_mind/
- Breytenbach, C. (2021). Fierce loving and Emotional agility. Available online at: https://chantalbreytenbach.com/fierce_loving_and_emotional_agility/