What is wealth?

Recently in a conversation with a client, she complained that she didn’t think she would ever be wealthy. So, I asked her: What is wealth? Today I want to talk about the true definition of wealth…

I imagine most people equate wealth with opulence and with an abundance of financial assets, property, and material possessions. And financial wellbeing is certainly part of wealth. Having sufficient savings and liquid funds to support your lifestyle and/or your family, certainly does make navigating life far easier than having to do so without the necessary resources. 

And a too narrow focus on wealth only constituting financial means, can and will make you miserable. Lynne Twist, author of The Soul of Money, shares that she has found more misery, depression, fear, anxiety, and general unwellness among the financially wealthy. And this makes sense. If I have nothing to lose, then taking risks to go after what I want can in some ways be easier. Once I have money and success, it might feel harder to take risks; especially if I have become attached to the financial resources and possessions I have.

Countless times I have had conversations with truly wealthy and successful people who tell me that they feel stuck in jobs they hate, or that they experience no joy and fulfillment in their lives, because they have lost touch with who they are and with what matters to them. This is the trappings of a too narrow definition of wealth. 

I have found this to also be true in my own experience, because when I become too attached to what I have, I am unwilling to take risks that would possibly provide me with more or different experiences. When I’m afraid to lose what I have, I’m also unwilling to play full out and go after what I truly want, because I don’t want to lose what I have. When we are afraid to lose, we play small. When we are willing to lose, we play all out, and we are often surprised at what gets created. 

In my native language there is this beautiful song by Elvis Blue that reminds me of this, and also reminds me so much of my father. The song is called “Meer As Genoeg”, and it directly translates to “More Than Enough”. The song explores what it means to have enough, and there is a line in the song that says: “Dis net die een wat bereid is om als op te gee wat kan sê ek het meer as genoeg”, which directly translates to: “It’s only the one who is willing to give up everything that can say: I have more than enough”.

Three weeks ago, I got sick for the first time in over three years. My children both came down with the flu within days of each other, and in almost no time, I was women down in bed, feeling horrid. A past version of me – the grit through, don’t show any weakness, I’ve got this, and don’t need help version of me – would have continued to take care of my sick children at the expense of my own wellbeing. I would have pushed myself to breaking point, and probably been sick for weeks after.

The more healed version of me today, recognized that my body was asking for rest and that I needed to slow down. So, I did exactly that. I checked in with my own capacity to serve and recognized that I would be doing my clients a disservice if I tried to serve them with a high fever and pounding headache. It would have been selfish, because I would have tried to prove that I can handle it all, and I don’t need rest, but it would have been at their expense, because they would have received sub-par service from me. I was simply not able to be present and curious while I was in so much physical pain.

So, I did the “selfish” thing and rescheduled my client calls to allow myself to rest and recover, knowing that in the end, it would be the more selfless thing to do, because once I was no longer sick, I could serve with more presence and curiosity. 

I was sick for a solid three days before I was able to get out of bed. And what those three days in bed reminded me of was how much I take my health and my body for granted, and what a privilege it is to get up easily, go to the gym, or go for a walk. I realized how much my body does for me, and how, without my health, no amount of money or success means anything, because I can’t move, and create, and live my life. 

I used to equate wealth with monetary success only. Now, I have an expanded definition of wealth that is aligned with the old root word of the word. The word wealth originates from the Old English word weal, meaning "well-being" or "condition of being happy and prosperous". 

This is such a beautiful definition to work with, because when you consider all that contributes to your overall happiness and prosperity, you can easily recognize that having enough money is but one of the factors that contributes to your wealth. And I am saying “enough money” on purpose, because it’s not about having an abundance, but having enough to feel at ease, to feel supported, to create what I want to create in life, because I have the means to do so. Enough money to provide for myself and loved ones, and feel like I want for almost nothing. 

To me, wealth isn’t simply measured in material possessions, but also in my physical energy and strength, in the quality and depth of my relationships, in the number of true and meaningful friendships I have, and in feeling mentally, emotionally, and spiritually well. The healing I have done over the past ten years of my life has provided me with a level of freedom that I didn’t have when I was younger, and that I wouldn’t trade for more money. I’d rather feel this free and grounded, than have more money and return to a life ridden with anxiety, fear, overwhelm, and disconnection. 

To me, true wealth is confidence and trust in myself and the knowledge that I have my own back. It’s being able to express myself authentically, without needing approval from others. It’s feeling confident in my boundaries, and trusting that my boundaries help other people understand how to get the best out of me.

It’s having deep and meaningful relationships that nourish me, and serve me. It’s experiencing intimacy, pleasure, and partnership in my marriage. It’s feeling good in my body, and having the energy to do the things I want to be doing out in the world. It’s having a rich family life, spending quality time with my loved ones, allowing for celebration, play, and joy. 

It’s getting to take time away from work to travel, and explore, or just read a book without feeling guilty. It’s feeling grounded and present, grateful, and curious. It’s listening deeply to another human being, and having the actual inner capacity to hold space for others. 

True wealth is doing work I love and that makes me come alive. It’s feeling excited about work, and not dreading it. It’s feeling like I have space to be creative, and to express myself. It’s feeling safe, held, seen, loved, and supported, and knowing I created that safety within myself, and I don’t need others to change or situations to change for me to feel deeply grounded, safe, held, and present.