If you must fail, make sure you fail spectacularly

I think we can all agree that we live in unprecedented times. Almost daily, we are being challenged to show up differently and do things differently. Individuals and organisations are being challenged to find new ways of moving forward during this pandemic.

It might not look like it, but you do have a few choices here. You can “wait it out”, i.e. hide away or stay low and wait for all of this to pass and things to get back to normal. The problem you have with this choice is that you are putting your life on hold indefinitely, since there is no precise timeline for when exactly we will resume our “normal” lives – if ever. There are also no guarantees that we will ever go back to the way things were before this pandemic started. And then of course you are also choosing to press the pause button on your life and remain in limbo, which can become frustrating and leave you feeling trapped, isolated, alone, even desperate. Not my favourite option, I must admit.

The second option you have is to fight all that is. You can complain, blame, argue, try to reason your way out of this. You can unpack your anger and frustrations on something or someone else whom you deem to be responsible for the mess we find ourselves in. You can “fight the system” and demand that your rights not be infringed. You can point fingers and get angry. The problem with this approach is that it creates such negative energy not just within you, but around you. There is no inspiration, creativity, productivity, or vitality when we find ourselves in a space of anger and resentment. Fighting all that is, is exhausting. It drains your energy, depletes your creativity, and breaks relationships apart. It results in self-isolation of a different kind – you pull away from the world and from who you are at your core. It’s not sustainable and it’s incredibly destructive.

The third option you have, is to embrace what is and try something different or something new. Now, this option also means that you choose to fail or make a mistake or get things wrong somehow. Let me explain. Whenever we embark on new territory, whenever we are confronted with changing ourselves, our world, or the way we do things, there is the risk of getting it “wrong”, because there are many uncertainties. There are always unknown variables. Things we don’t know. Things we haven’t considered. Things we will have to face that we might not have answers or resources for.

I want to share a recent example of how someone I admire embraced this third option and failed spectacularly. Alan Committie is one of my favourite South African comedians. There are three main reasons why I adore him. Firstly, he is educated and eloquent. He studied languages and his grasp of language and his ability to play with words and nuances is above average. He is sharp-witted. So, his humour is quick, and you really must pay attention, or you’ll miss critical moments of humour. I almost feel like every sentence is perfectly crafted to serve a purpose. Secondly, he is never vulgar. It takes special talent to pull that off, since most comedians often resort to vulgarity to shock people. I’ve learnt from Alan Committie that it’s possible to be funny without having to include the shock factor to “shake up your audience”, and I love that about his comedy. I believe it takes more mental energy to play with words and nuances and truly be funny and witty, than to simply say something rude or inappropriate to evoke a response. Thirdly, Alan takes his comedy serious. He is always professional. He is just as professional as a doctor or a lawyer or a consultant would be. He is a perfectionist. He pays attention to the detail. He values timeliness. He is always smartly dressed and “in character” when he is on stage. I’m sure that when you think of comedians, you don’t imagine that they would show up in a suit with a flipchart to bring comic relief. But Alan does. And I think that is what makes him stand out as a comedian for me. He takes his work seriously and he is brave enough to be different.

Given the worldwide pandemic, most countries are currently experiencing some form of quarantine or lockdown, which means that comedians, musicians, actors, and other entertainers cannot work right now. No live shows. No audiences. No work. Like a few musicians have done, Alan Committie decided to offer his audience an online evening of comic relief. Of course, I bought a ticket. Living in Canada now, means I don’t get to see my favourite comedian on stage anymore, so this was such a gift.

However, on the day of the “act”, the technology platform they used to live stream the event simply wasn’t working. It took more than 45 minutes for the technicians to get the streaming sorted out. And then finally, when Alan Committie could start his performance, it was impossible to broadcast to YouTube fast enough for the live audience all around the world to see Alan in action. The YouTube upload was so frustratingly slow and there was so much buffering that the show was unwatchable, because you would literally miss every punchline. Once the recording was done, they sent out a link to the recording with an apology. It was a spectacular fail.

We watched the recording and here is what was so amazing about this epic fail. Alan Committie spent a whole hour telling jokes to himself all alone in a studio, believing that a live audience was watching, only to find out afterwards that no-one was in fact watching.  He was fully aware of that possibility, but that did not deter him from showing up and doing his job. He was smartly dressed. He had his flipchart ready and he brought his A game. He gave it everything he got; “engaging” with an audience that wasn’t there, imagining what they would say or when they would love or not laugh. I watched this man do what he does best and I was laughing so hard, my stomach hurt. And my love and appreciation of this man grew by the minute.

It takes tremendous courage to put yourself out there, to take a risk, to dare to be different, to decide to stand up for what you believe in, to show up and be professional and fail. And even though many might argue that the show was a “failure”, I actually think it was one of his best shows yet. Things did not go as planned and if I’m right about Alan’s personality – i.e. that he strives for perfection – then perhaps he was really hard on himself afterwards. But here is the thing, Alan did something that no other comedian was willing to try. He risked failure to find new ways to continue to do the work he loves to do. And he was brilliant! He did not falter once. When you watch the show, there is not one single moment when he stops being professional or where he falters and breaks the rhythm of his set. To the very last second, pure good wholesome comedy – Alan at his best.

I want to invite you to be like Alan Committie; to choose to show up and be your best self, regardless of what’s going on around you. I want to invite you to risk failure and ridicule, because here’s the good news, every “failure” or “setback” or “mistake”, is a step forward. It’s progress. It’s learning. It provides opportunity for new discoveries, new possibilities. It gets you into powerful motion and propels you forward while everyone else is still standing on the sideline deciding whether they want to participate or not, or being angry and resentful at the world, because things aren’t they way the expect them to be.

Choosing to try anyway, puts you in flow with the universe. It creates forward momentum and ensures that you actively create your future or course correct, instead of just ending up at your default future.

I’m always reminded of the importance of coming from a place of innocence and curiosity when I look at small children at play. Before their egos evolve, small children are willing to try anything and fail. They are not afraid of failure. They are not worried about “getting it right” or “winning”. They simply indulge in the joy of trying things out and learning. They are driven by their natural desire for learning and growth and they embrace everything as an opportunity to learn. Babies who are learning to crawl or walk don’t give up, because they don’t get it right the first time. Small children don’t quit puzzles or clay building or drawing because it’s not perfect or they can’t figure it out. If left to play, they will spend hours trying to figure it out until eventually they do. How many times will they “fail”? Hundreds. Thousands. It doesn’t matter. What matters is they don’t quit until they finally figure it out, and then they move on to the next challenge.

Somewhere along the path of life, we forget to embrace our curiosity, our creativity, and our natural desire for learning and growth, and we start to fear failure. We start to worry about what others will think of us. We start to care more about our social image than our own personal progress. And then we choose options one or two. We hesitate, and hold off, and put everything on hold; getting stuck in analysis paralysis – waiting for that perfect moment to make our move – a moment that sometimes never comes. So, one day we wake up, and we are old, and we regret so many things we never tried, because of a fear of failure.

Or we get angry and resentful and we look for someone or something to blame; someone to hold responsible for our unhappiness, never realising that nothing outside of us can ever make us do or feel anything. We choose how we want to feel and what we want to respond to. The longer we look for outside sources of fulfilment and happiness, the longer fulfillment and happiness will elude us. Happiness is not an end destination. It’s a by-product of risking to be who we are, of trying new things, empowering ourselves to learn, of progress and moving forward on our most important goals.

I have failed many, many times in my life. I have tried things only for them to not work out. I’ve said and done some stupid things that I would beat myself up about. However, since starting this coaching business and working with my own coach, I’ve learnt to celebrate my failures, because they represent forward momentum. Every mistake is an opportunity to learn something, to course correct, to consciously create the life that you want. Every mistake is a step you are taking towards your dreams instead of sitting on the sideline waiting for something to happen.

So, I want to invite you – perhaps challenge you – to fail. And when you do, please make sure that you do so spectacularly. Go all out and make sure it’s an epic fail, because our biggest “failures” in life often turn into our greatest moments of learning and growth.