Expanding your definition of Mindfulness

I recently read an article on Medium by Chloé Milne, where she shared how on a flight from Melbourne to Hong Kong, she lost faith in the practice of formal meditation to manage her anxiety. After trying to practice meditation and mindfulness for a couple of hours with simply no effect on how much anxiety she was experiencing during the flight, she replaced her meditation practice with a form of laughter therapy by watching a funny  movie instead. In her article she shares the consequent insights she gained since that experience on the value of laughter as a way to quiet the incessant fear and anxiety she was experiencing, and to return to mindfulness.

Milne’s story got me thinking about the practice of mindfulness. It has been a buzzword for the last two decades, and although many people are actively seeking to be more mindful, or trying out different mindfulness practices, it’s almost as if we don’t really have a clear understanding of what mindfulness actually is. We tend to cling to very narrow definitions of the concept that lead us to believe that mindfulness can only be achieved through meditation, deep breathing exercises, practicing yoga, or journaling.

The problem with this narrow way of defining the practice of mindfulness, is that we can limit our range of experience or sometimes completely exclude ourselves from experiencing what mindfulness is. My work with the Enneagram has taught me a deep appreciation for different ways of being in the world. Not everyone relates to practices like journaling or meditation. In fact, for some of us – especially those with more dynamic personalities or an over-supply of the neuro-transmitter, dopamine – we might find these practices downright frustrating and we might start to believe that we are incapable of being mindful.

A client of mine recently shared similar frustrations. As someone who is naturally anxious and worried, she had started a very disciplined practice of daily meditation and journaling to help her manage her anxiety and quiet the voice of the Inner Critic, but to no avail. She was sharing how, despite committing fully and actively practicing meditation and journaling every day, she was still experiencing daily bouts of worry and anxiety that she was simply unable to “turn off”. She kept going around in circles and felt truly frustrated with herself.

We explored what was blocking her and realised that her narrow definition of what qualified as mindfulness practice was holding her back. I offered that she explores what brings her joy or a sense of calm, and that she starts bringing in some other practices to help her cultivate a quiet mind. For her, she discovered that riding her bike outside, going for long walks, and writing a blog brought her more inner peace and calm than her meditation and journaling practices did. In addition, after incorporating these other practices more often into her daily routine, she reported finally reaping some rewards even from her meditation and journaling practices.

By allowing space to explore what brings her into the present moment and helps her slow down, my client was able to cultivate her own mindfulness practice that has become her meditation. When she is out riding her bike or hiking and even when she is writing on her blog, she is fully present and mindful. She shares how the Inner Critic is quiet during these times. She can take in her surroundings, absorb what’s happening in the moment, and she feels at peace.

For Milne, she discovered how watching funny movies or shows or finding other ways to make herself laugh, helped her find more inner peace and calm. She gave up meditation all together, but I would guess that she is probably experiencing more mindfulness and present-moment awareness, despite no longer practicing meditation. The “distraction” of laughter brings her back into the present and allows her to let go of the incessant noise of her Inner Critic. She is more mindful in those moments when she is immersed in something that makes her laugh, and the benefits of laughter therapy are remarkably similar to those of meditation.

So, what am I suggesting? Am I saying that meditation practices don’t work. Not at all. I have clients who swear by the practice of meditation or journaling and who report that their sense of inner calm and wellbeing are enhanced by these practices. What I am suggesting is that you spend some time getting to know yourself better, and that you also expand your definition of what qualifies as mindfulness or meditation for you.

What is mindfulness really?

Mindfulness involves making a special effort to notice what’s happening in the present moment (in your mind, body and surroundings) – without judging anything as either good or bad. It has roots in Buddhism and meditation, but you don’t have to be spiritual, or have any particular beliefs, and you don’t have to practice meditation to be more mindful and receive the benefits of living this way.

Mindfulness is living in the now. It’s essentially about being more aware and awake in every moment of your life. It’s about intentionally paying attention to each moment, being fully engaged in whatever is happening around you and within you. It involves bringing an attitude of curiosity and acceptance to whatever is being experienced, rather

than your habitual patterns of judgment and criticism.

Default mode

Research shows that when we are not deliberately paying attention to something, our brain clicks off into default mode. Default mode is characterised by mental chatter, mind wandering, operating on “auto pilot”, dwelling on

the past and worrying about the future, judgement, and criticism. This mode of being/thinking has been found to activate specific areas of the brain, mostly in the temporal and parietal lobes, along with the hippocampus and certain prefrontal areas.

When we are in default mode, our amygdala (the brain’s “fear centre”) also becomes over-stimulated.  This activation pattern tends to result in people experiencing the world through thoughts and ideas, rather than directly through their senses, and is increasingly being linked to mental health problems such as stress, anxiety, depression, ADHD and even autism and schizophrenia. It has also been associated with reduced cognitive functioning, and therefore impaired academic and occupational performance, as well as with difficulty understanding others, and communicating effectively.

Paying closer attention

In contrast, when we pay deliberate attention to what we are doing, we engage different parts of the brain (primarily the prefrontal cortex and anterior cingulate cortex). We experience things directly, through our senses,

and avoid the trap of getting caught up in our spiralling thoughts that cause incessant worrying, dwelling, judging and fight/flight reactivity.

We have all experienced this way of being at times – while exercising, playing music, being in nature, engaging in hobbies and spending time with loved ones, for instance. In these moments, we are effortlessly in the present, fully engaged in life through our senses and fully present. Of course, it is much easier to experience this mindful way of being when we are watching sunsets, than when we are working our way through e-mails on a Monday morning, running errands at the grocery store, or battling to get a toddler to eat their vegetables. At these times, mindfulness becomes a practice that we need to deliberately and intentionally focus our attention on. When we notice that we have fallen into default mode, we can choose to come back to consciousness by paying attention to what is going on around us or engaging our senses.  

Neuroplasticity

The neuroplasticity of our brains allows us to grow the prefrontal areas of the brain stronger, by continuously coming back to this practice of being intentional and focusing our senses on our environment. Consistent practice means that over time, we rewire our brains, and it will become easier to leave the default mode behind. We will find that we more easily find our way back to being present and mindful. This, essentially, is mindfulness “meditation”. Meditation in this context thus becomes attention training, instead of simply sitting in a quiet place practicing breathing techniques.

There is no specific state of being to be achieved; other than being fully present. In addition, it is not necessary (nor possible, for that matter) to rid the mind of thoughts. The brain is an organ and its function is to think, and there is no way to stop this. However, through focus and attention we can engage fully with the present moment, notice when our attention wanders off, and gently return it to the present. This way, we keep having thoughts, but we don’t get lost in them.

Mindfulness exercises to try

So, if you are keen on engaging in a deeper way with the present moment, without feeling like you have to sit and meditate for hours, here are a few exercises you could try. You don’t need any special equipment:

1. Mindful eating. This involves paying attention to the taste, smell, and textures of what you eat. Notice the colours and flavours of the food as you eat. For example, when drinking a cup of tea or coffee you could focus on how hot the liquid feels on your tongue, how sweet it tastes, or you could watch the steam that it gives off.
2. Mindful moving, walking or running. Notice the feeling of your body moving. You might notice the breeze against your skin, the feeling of your feet or hands against different textures on the ground or nearby surfaces, and the different smells and sounds that surround you.
3. Body scan. This is where you move your attention slowly through different parts of the body, starting from the top of your head moving all the way down to the end of your toes. You could focus on feelings of warmth, tension, tingling or relaxation of different parts of your body.
4. Mindful colouring and drawing. Focus on the colours and the sensation of your pencil against the paper, rather than trying to draw something in particular. You could use a mindfulness colouring book or download mindfulness colouring images.
5. Many people find that yoga helps them to concentrate on their breathing and focus on the present moment. By focusing your attention on holding a specific posture or practicing a specific way of breathing, you can engage in the present moment in a deep way. Pay attention to how your muscles move and stretch, or notice what it feels like to stand with both feet on the ground after a specific posture. Notice the rise and fall of your abdomen as you breathe.

Different things work for different people, so if you don’t find one exercise useful, try another. Or identify your own activities that you would like to try out. The secret is not to turn it into a project or a task. Keep it simple. And only focus on being present to what you are doing and noticing through your senses what you experience. It’s not necessary to tell yourself to concentrate, or to breathe in a specific way, or to analyse how engaged or disengaged you are in the activity. The moment you catch yourself doing that, you have stopped being mindful.

As with Milne and my client, find the things that come naturally to you. In a previous article on the pursuit of happiness, I mentioned the practice of gratifications to find more lasting happiness and fulfillment. Your gratification practices are the best place to start practicing mindfulness. They provide easy access to deep immersion in the present moment without having to put too much thought into it.

Gratifications are activities that engage us so deeply and so fully, that we become immersed and absorbed in them. Time stops, our skills match the challenge, and we are in touch with our core strengths. In other words, we experience flow. Gratifications last longer than pleasures, involve quite a lot of thinking, and are aligned with our strengths and our deepest desires or passions.

Gratifications can be practiced over long periods of time. Examples of gratifications include playing volleyball or tennis, going for a run, enjoying a great conversation, rock climbing, reading a good book, cooking, or baking, dancing, knitting, or crocheting, painting, carpentry or pottery, or helping the homeless etc. The list is endless. Anything that can be actively pursued instead of passively enjoyed would qualify as a gratification.

The catch is that it must be something that holds interest for you, and that you can immerse yourself in for hours. Gratifications are activities that allow us to slow down our experience of the passage of time. In other words, when we are engaged in them, we forget about time, because we are so deeply immersed. We don’t feel bored or frustrated; we feel in tune with life.

The bigger picture

So, instead of forcing yourself to sit still in one place and rid yourself of all thoughts, it is possible to reach a higher state of awareness, by simply paying attention to the present moment and by fully engaging all your senses to enhance your experience of this specific moment, regardless of what you are doing in the moment. It’s being conscious of the sensation of the bristles of your toothbrush on your teeth and the smell of the toothpaste while you are brushing your teeth, instead of disengaging from the activity. It’s being conscious of the taste and texture of your wine or coffee as you take a sip. It’s noticing the smells and taste sensations of a bite of food. It’s noticing body language, tone of voice and nuance while someone is talking. It’s noticing the breeze on your arms while you’re taking a walk through the woods, and paying attention to how the sunlight filters through the trees. It’s hearing the sound of birds in the trees or the rustling of the wind, or perhaps a babbling brook further down the trail. It’s really feeling the warmth of someone else or taking in the smell of their skin as you embrace them. That is true mindfulness and is a deep form of meditation, because when you’re paying attention to these small things, you will notice that your mind is not racing or rambling, because you are not engaged in judgment; you are engaged in paying attention.

Although mindfulness can begin with learning to focus on the moment, it ultimately becomes about connecting with the Awareness that is conscious of whatever we experience – what Eckhart Tolle would call your Inner Observer. The Inner Observer is that deeper, core self – the stable sense of deeper knowing that is always there – and that is looking through your eyes, listening with your ears, and feeling through your skin right now. Once we learn to pay attention, we can start to discern both what we are aware of in each moment and who it is that is aware.

Getting in touch with this awareness, we start to notice that while what we are aware of changes from moment to moment, our awareness itself remains unchanged. This inner Awareness has an innate quality of acceptance and openness to whatever is being experienced. By remaining open and free of judgment, we can be present to whatever is – whatever we are experiencing in the moment – without feeling overwhelmed. When we bring this open and accepting awareness to ourselves and others, we tend to act and relate with more compassion and care. We become gentler and kinder and our relationships start to change. We experience what it’s like to resonate with life through the richness and fullness of experiences that only our human selves are capable of experiencing.

References:

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