Create your year with intention and focus

The start of a new year is usually a time to set goals and to commit anew to the person you want to become. However, so often people don’t follow through on those initial new year’s resolutions. As soon as the novelty of the new year wears off, most of us fall back into our old behaviour patterns and forget how we promised ourselves that this year will be different. I think this year, with the global pandemic continuing to wreak havoc in our lives, most of us probably feel even less motivated than before to stay committed to our personal goals. So, what do you do when the initial euphoria of new goals wears off and you find yourself feeling a bit deflated and despondent?

I recently attended a powerful talk by some of the most amazing coaches in the industry. It was hosted by Carolyn Freyer-Jones. The topic was “Creating your year with focus and intention”. Steve Chandler, co-author of The Prosperous Coach, and founder of the Advanced Client System and Coaching Prosperity School, shared an important observation. He said that the problem most people think they have is that they don’t know how to do something. I don’t know how to lose weight, how to find love, how to start a business… etc. However, the real problem is never the “how to”, the problem is the want.

Often saying you don’t know how to do something is simply a way of making excuses for not taking action.

Think about it. When you really want something. And we are not talking about when you say it would be nice to have something. Thinking it would be nice to have something, means that you would want it only if it were easy to get it. You don’t necessarily feel inspired to put in the work required to create what you want. However, when you’ve decided that something is non-negotiable for you; when you are willing to “eat a shit sandwich” as Gretchen Rubin would say to get what you want, then nothing will get in your way; even when you initially don’t know HOW you will do it. Somehow, the full commitment to the thing you’ve decided you want is enough to spark the initial action required to get you started.

And that’s all it takes really, one small step. Or as Carolyn Freyer-Jones would say “the smallest unit of action you can take to get you moving forward”, i.e. baby steps. When you commit to climbing a mountain, you don’t just jump from the foot of the mountain to the top of the mountain in one leap. It takes planning and preparation and then it’s about taking one step at a time. Some steps are simple. Others are more challenging. Sometimes you are climbing over rocks and holding on for dear life, but you keep moving. One single step at a time. Because that is the only way you can move forward, is ONE step at a time.

When you are just starting to climb the mountain, those first small steps feel like nothing. They feel almost invisible. Like they mean nothing and like you are getting nowhere. You know what I’m talking about. The early days in any new endeavour always feel like that. It feels like you are putting in all this effort and nothing is happening. It’s what my coach calls “invisible progress”. You are making progress step by step, but it’s not visible yet. Here is where your intention and focused energy is most needed to keep going despite the lack of evidence that there is progress.

At some point on the journey, you look up, and look back to see where you are and suddenly you notice how far you’ve come. And often, you are surprised at what you’ve managed to create, even on the days when you really didn’t feel like it. Of course, getting to the top of the mountain feels fantastic. And I used to only focus on getting to the top of the mountain. I would put all my energy into getting to the top as quickly as possible, because that’s where the greatest view is, right? On the top of the mountain, you feel invincible.

However, how long do we stay there before we set our eyes on the next mountain? And if everything is just about getting to the top, what are we missing on our way up? Even worse, what are we sacrificing on our way up – health, love, family, relationships, friendships, joy, present-moment awareness…?

So, I changed my perspective. I decided to not just focus on what it would be like to get to the top, but also on who I wanted to be as I take every step towards the top. You see the most important part of climbing the mountain, is NOT reaching the summit. It’s who you become and what you create as you continue to climb. You could get to the top, and in the process, destroy everything of value in your life. Or, you could get to the top with grace and love, creating your life on the way there.

What is Steve Chandler’s advice on how to create a year with intention and focus? He says drop the “how to” and replace it with “remember to”. Remember to create your year with intention and focus. Remember who you are. Remember who you want to become. Remember that every moment is an opportunity to create. You don’t create at the top of the mountain. You create with every step you take. You create on your way to the top.

And when you take joy in every step, the journey becomes so much more rewarding. And when you do reach the summit, the summit somehow feels more significant, because there is a deeper knowing, a deeper appreciation of what it took to get there. You might choose to linger a little bit longer at the top to take in the view; savouring every step of the journey there; knowing what you had to let go of, or unlearn, and what you had to learn, stretch, and grow in the climb on your way to the top.

So, what are my biggest take-aways from the discussion on creating a year of intention and focus? Creating what you want starts anew every single day. Every day, you start again, reminding yourself of where you are going and why. It’s important to lean into the discomfort of it. Some days will be hard, but the hard days are sometimes more important than the good days. The hard days help us stretch into who we need to become to continue the climb.

James Clear in his beautiful and inspirational book, Atomic Habits, reminds us that all big things come from small beginnings. The seed of every habit is a single, tiny decision. As that decision is repeated, a habit sprouts and grows stronger. Roots entrench themselves and branches grow. The task of breaking a bad habit, is like uprooting a powerful oak within us. It takes time. It happens slowly. It needs awareness and commitment to the transformation long before we can see the tangible sings of it in our lives.

In contrast, the task of building a good habit, is like cultivating a delicate flower. It needs to happen one day at a time; one simple step at a time. That is why it’s so important to simplify and have fun. We tend to overcomplicate things and then we stop ourselves from getting started. Or as James Clear shares, “we often avoid taking action because we think ‘I need to learn more,’ but the best way to learn is often by taking action.” Just get started on the smallest unit of action you can think of. What is the smallest thing you can get started on? What is ONE step you can take today? And then tomorrow take one more. And then one more.

Remember to have fun with it. Remember that having fun is a choice. It starts with not taking yourself so seriously. It starts with loving self-forgiveness. I’m reminded by a client of mine who was able to lift herself out of the deepest places of despair by simply reminding herself that her job is to create adventures. She chose to look at every situation as an adventure. So, when she noticed that she was getting frustrated because things weren’t moving fast enough, or when she was feeling overwhelmed, she would reframe the experience and ask herself “How can I turn this into an adventure?” That was all that was needed to get her back on track.

The reality is that life IS an adventure. If you think about what it took for you to be here right now; to be alive at this moment in time… In a 2011 talk at TEDx San Francisco, Mel Robbins, a self-help author, mentioned that scientists estimated the probability of your being born at about one in 400 trillion. One in 400 trillion. That, in itself, should give you reason to pause for a moment. So many things had to align in the universe for your birth to take place. If one of those things did not transpire, you wouldn’t be here today.

So as Mel Robbins urges us, why would you then settle for mediocre? Why would you choose to lie on the coach in front of the TV, wasting this precious opportunity to be alive, to be on this adventure called life?! If the odds were so stacked against you, and yet, here you are, then why would you doubt for one moment whether you can create the life you want? You can create anything you want, by deciding in each moment who you want to be.

So, ultimately, you are left with just this one question: Who do you need to be to create the life you want? Let me know. I’m betting you are already half-way there, and you simply don’t see it.

 References:

1. Chandler, S. & Litvin, R. (2013). The Prosperous Coach: Increase Income and Impact for You and Your Clients. Florida: Maurice Bassett.
2. Clear, J. (2018). Atomic Habits: An easy and proven way to build good habits and break bad ones. New York: Penguin Random House.
3. Robbins, M. (2011). How to stop screwing yourself over. Available online at: https://www.ted.com/talks/mel_robbins_how_to_stop_screwing_yourself_over?language=en
4. Rubin, G. (2015). The Happiness Project: Or, Why I Spent a Year Trying to Sing in the Morning, Clean My Closets, Fight Right, Read Aristotle, and Generally Have More Fun. New York: Harper Collins.